Dear Adam, (#2 in series)

45

Dear Adam,

I hope my tears dont ruin my ink. That party was horrible. I feel so dirty and used. Im worthless. Just a waste of space. I can't take it anymore.

I guess it's time for story telling. My consular says it helps to write stuff out, to get it out of you.

Earlier this night...

I just finished writing my last letter to you and I had stumbled to the bathroom to throw up after seeing Sawyer eating off Ashlin's face. After throwing up I ran to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

"Need a drink?" It was Ethan.

You would've told me to stay away from him. You would remind me off what he did but at that moment I didn't care. I was a broken hearted girl who didn't know why she was broken hearted in the first place, who wanted to wash out the taste of vomit in my mouth.

"Just a water please, " and I had turned around and walked into the living room back to my previous spot.

That was my first mistake.

Ethan came back with a glass of what I assumed was water, but was too emotional drained to question otherwise. As I gulped down the water Ethan's smirk grew. I thought he was just happy I was still talking to him.

That was my second mistake.

Nothing was wrong at first. Then Ethan's hand was on my thigh, rubbing circles onto my bare skin. I should've worn jeans. His hand kept getting higherand higher, until I slapped him. Well, the slap was more like a pat on the cheek and may have looked quite affectionate to any bystander.

I tried to shout out but my mouth wouldn't move, my limbs were starting to slow down in action. Ethan picked me up, guiding me towards the hall, placing wet kisses on my neck.

"I never got to finish what i started," he whisperedin my ear. I think I started to cry but I can't be sure, by then my body was numb.

Noises began to become joined into one loud ringing. Numbness captivated me. Objects blurred in my vision.

One step.

Two step.

Three step.

Four.

I hit the floor.

Five step.

Six step.

Seven step.

Eight.

Brown eyes full of hate.

Nine step.

Ten step.

Eleven.

Starting to think about heaven.

First piece of clothing.

Second piece of clothing.

Third piece of clothing.

Four.

He's calling me a hore.

Fifth piece of clothing.

Sixth piece of clothing.

Seven.

He threw me on the bedding.

One tear.

Two tears.

Three.

He's on top of me.

Four tears.

Five tears.

Six tears.

Seven tears.

Eight.

It's too late.

First yell.

Second yell.

Third yell.

Fourth.

Someone's kicking down the door.

One punch.

Two punches.

Three punches.

Four.

Ethan's on the floor.

Shirt.

Shorts.

Shoes.

Sawyer.

My hearts on fire.

Hands entwined.

Hearts imploding.

My brains exploding.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. I should've noticed, but i...sorry,"

But you were with her. My vision slowly focuses, and my hearings back. My limbs are still slow.

"I-i g-got what I deserved," I whispered. Sawyers hand was on my face, making me look at him. His jaw tightened, something you did when you were mad.

"No you didn't. So dont go around saying stuff like that!"

"Why do you get a say? For what Im concerned you were with Ashlin."

"Bailey-"

"You left me alone. You just stopped talking to me without any explanation. Stuff got worst and you weren't there to help. You were too busy hanging out with people you said you didn't like. You were preoccupied with her,"

"Because I had to watch you throw yourself around at guys for months! Just so you can get over Adam! I get it. You're heartbroken, but its been a year!"

"I fucking loved him! It just doesn't go away! Dead or not,"

"And I fucking love you!" My heart stopped as my hands shook. No, he can't!

"No."

" I think I know how I feel!"

" If you loved me why were you with Ashlin?"

"Because I thought I could get over you! I mean come on, you weren't looking for a relationship, I thought if I found someone who was, then my feelings for you would go away!"

"Im sorry. I just cant let myself bring you down. It happened to Adam and I will happen to you. I'm just like Death. Everything I touch dies. And I cant let myself endure another heartbreak."

" Stop feeding yourself lies,"

"Sawyer, I dont even know if I ca stay around for you,"

"Ill make you want to stay. Just give me a chance. "

"I dont think I can,"

Adam, is it okay for me to sort of like someone else? You will always be my my first love, but maybe Sawyer will be my last.

Mixed feelings,

Bailey