Dear Adam, (#2 in series)

35

Dear Adam,

I'm scared of death. How could you embrace it with open arms like a long lost friend? To die or to not die.

Which one?

I guess I'm not afraid of death itself, I lived with pain on years end, waiting for it to get easier but it never did. Those silver linings never came. The pain is scary but at the same time I like pain it makes the numbness go away. It makes me feel like I'm alive and breathing and here, existing.

I'm just afraid of what happens when your lungs are no longer capable of breathing, when your hearts ceased beating, when your blood doesn't flow anymore, what comes next?

Is there such thing as heaven? Although I'll probably go to hell. I mean I don't go to church except for the occasional easter. I've sinned so much without asking for forgiveness. But what really is sin? Humans make mistakes, so why do we make such a big deal about it.

Maybe it's just darkness. I think that's what scares me. Is that I just left life only to come to a complete vast emptyness. And to me, even pain is better then nothing.

I have so many questions but there are no answers, just theories and assumptions.

I guess I'll just have to find out.

Wondering,
Bailey