𝘽𝙚𝙩𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙈𝙚 || dream x oc

*21*

---- T/W: ... events of a certain kind ;-) ----

-- 𝗺𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗽𝗼𝘃 --

I knew I wasn't supposed to hear that, but I did. I guess I didn't even hear the whole thing, but I had heard enough to know that he'd be mortified if I confronted him about it. I planned on keeping my mouth shut, but my brain took over.

"What did you just say?" I lifted my head to look at him.

"Fuck," he breathed. "Fuck, fuck, fuck. I didn't want you to hear that."

"Well, I did," I said. I didn't know how I was so calm right now, maybe I was in shock. 

"What are the odds of you pretending you didn't hear anything, just for tonight?" He asked, avoiding my eye contact like it was hurting him. "We can talk about it in the morning?"

"Did you mean it?" I whispered, my cheeks flushing. 

"Midge, please don't make me do this," Clay sounded like he was on the verge of tears and I felt horrible. "I wasn't ready for you to know."

"Okay, I'm sorry," I wished I hadn't pushed it so hard, but I couldn't believe I had heard those words leave his mouth. "Let's talk about it later. Good night, Clay."

"Don't apologize, I'm the one that should be sorry," he sighed, pulling me in a little tighter. "But yeah, I did mean it."

I looked back up at him, even though I knew it wasn't doing either of us much good. He stared back down at me for what felt like an entire lifetime -- and it took everything in me not to start crying. I was so filled with every single possible emotion right now, and I didn't know what the fuck to do. When I finally averted my eyes because I couldn't take it anymore, he lightly grabbed my jaw and tilted my face up. He hesitated for a second, almost like he wasn't sure if he should do it or not, and then he kissed me. 

I was surprised by how... comfortable it felt. Like we'd done it a million times before or like it was something we had always done. I was scared to kiss him back at first because I thought it would make him fully come to his senses and realize how insane all of this really was, but I knew that if I didn't take this chance I would regret it for the rest of my life.

"Don't take this the wrong way... but why do I feel like we've done that before?" I broke the kiss, biting my lip nervously. His face shifted a little, and he turned slightly pink. He sat up a little in bed, and I followed suit. He avoided looking at me, just as he had earlier. He hesitated for what felt like eons before he finally responded.

"Because we have," he whispered. "Please don't get mad. I know I should've told you earlier, I just didn't know how to say it. I'm so sorry, Midge."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I pulled away from him a little further. "When? Was this recently? I feel like I'd remember your tongue being in my mouth."

"Last night. We were shit-faced and we made out. I wanted to tell you but I couldn't," it all came crashing back as soon as he said that. I could feel his hands all over me and his fingers easing up the bottom of my dress. I could taste the whiskey on his tongue. I remembered how we said we'd tell each other if one of us remembered. "I didn't know what to do."

"Why?" I couldn't help but laugh a little. "You should have told me, we could have been doing this all day if you wanted to."

"Because I needed to tell you what I told you earlier first," he couldn't look at me and his hands fidgeted restlessly. "I know I'm probably ruining us right now, but I needed to tell you that I loved you before I could do it again. It was eating me alive."