Over the Edge

Chapter 5~ Deeper Depression

Tommy awoke the next morning with his head pounding.

            What had happened last night? I remember drinking some, but how much did I drink? The last thing I remember was letting Adam in. Adam. Where was he? I opened my eyes, squinting because of the newfound light. While my eyes adjusted, I glanced around the room frantically, looking for any sign of Adam. Suddenly, I saw a small piece of the hotel stationary on the bedside table. I picked up the piece of paper and read it. It read:

Tommy,

I went to get breakfast and coffee.

I’ll be back soon.

I left a glass of water on the table incase

you woke up before I got back.

~Adam

 

            Oh, Adam. God, I love him. He’s so thoughtful. I sat down the paper and picked up the glass of water beside the bed. I took a big gulp and my head pounded again. Gahhh, seriously, how much did I drink last night? I sat back, thinking, still trying to remember the previous night’s events. I remember very well what happened before the alcohol, which just made me want more alcohol. It was a bitter sweet feeling. I loved the attention and the kisses. No one had ever made me feel the way Adam does when he kissed me, but I knew it wasn’t real. I knew Adam didn’t love me that way. It was all “fan service” and I was “straight.” Yeah right. I’m pretty sure I’m not. At least not around him. Adam is my one and only exception, but you can’t just go up to someone you have only known for months and is your best friend and just say, “Hey, I know I’m supposed to be straight, but I love you.” You just can’t do that!

            With that, I decided I did need alcohol. I crawled out of bed and stumbled to the bar again. Disregarding the fact that my head was still pounding, I grabbed a bottle and began to drink. I had downed almost the entire bottle when Adam came in and found me. I wasn’t tipsy, my speech wasn’t slurred, I was fully aware of my surroundings, I was only a little buzzed.

            “Tommy! What are you doing?? I leave you asleep, and come back to find you drinking again and it’s not even noon yet!” Adam’s words swept past me, I didn’t care, it’s not like I had had very much, but who knows how much I would’ve been through if he hadn’t come back. “Seriously, Tommy, are you listening to me? Why do you keep doing these things to yourself?” His words seemed sincere and concerned.

            “I just wanted something besides water.” I said, lying, and Adam must’ve sensed it because he looked at me doubtfully.

            “Well, then put the bottle down and come over here, I brought you breakfast burritos and coffee, and I guess now it’s a good thing I brought coffee.”

            I set the bottle down and walked over to the table where Adam had set the food. He handed me a coffee and I took a drink. It burned as it went down my throat, but I didn’t care. I took a few more drinks and sooner than later I began to feel more sober. I took a burrito from the greasy bag and took a bite.

            Adam was eating his, and he looked distant, zoned out. “Adam?” I said with concern in my voice.

            “Huh? Oh, uh, yes Tommy?” Adam said quietly, and I noticed that he didn’t quite look me in the eye.

            “Are you okay? You seem distant, did something happen?”

            “I Uhm, I’m fine, nothing happened.” Adam’s eyes would not focus on anything. He always did that when he was lying. What was he not telling me? Suddenly, a thought crossed my mind. Oh God, what if something happened last night that I don’t remember?