I have spent six weeks here in Russia, the time passing very quickly. I decide to spend one more month here before returning home. I'm not sure what's to come for Damien and I for when I return home, but I need to return. I can't stay here forever. I have a life to return to. Damien quickly becomes irritable whenever I mention my departure home, but I don't blame him. The thought of leaving him causes an ache in my chest also.
Damien continues to get work calls at random times during the day and night, resulting in me being on my own. I spend most of my time alone playing with the fast growing puppies and sleeping, finding myself becoming more tired from all the traveling I have been doing these past two months. It seems all my activity has finally caught up with me, causing me to want to spend most days in bed.
Damien received a phone call early this morning and has been gone ever since. I begrudgingly decide to be productive and eventually get out of bed, the sudden movement of sitting up causing a slight dizziness to overcome me. I sit for a minute, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass.
I quickly shower and am at the sink about to brush my teeth. I grab the toothpaste but quickly find that the tube empty. I open the drawers to find a new tube. My fingers sort through the different objects in the drawer but stop as they come across a certain object. I lift the tampon from the drawer as I try to figure out when my last period was. My heart stops as I start counting. Two weeks. I'm two weeks late. I quickly grasp my phone, looking at my calendar. With shaky hands, my math is confirmed.
Fuck. What am I going to do? I've never been late before, ever. I start pacing the bathroom, my mind racing at the thought. I can feel my heart rate increase as I start freaking out at the possibility. Realizing I need to take a test, I take deep breaths in as the air burns my lungs, trying to calm myself. I am barely able to calm myself before walking out of the bathroom.
I quickly get dressed with the first clothes I find and walk through the house to the garage. I am thankful Damien is still at work because there is no way I could explain or lie about where I am going. I grab the set of keys to the Audi Damien left for me to run errands. I never thought I would actually need the car but now could not be more grateful for them.
I plug my phone into the car and quickly search for the closest drug store. I quickly park and run into the store, nervousness coursing through me. Once I am in the store I realize how out of my element I am. Every sign in the store is in Russian. Even all the products. I can't even ask anyone because I don't speak Russian. I can feel tears of frustration threaten to surface, daring to spill over. The tears are not just from my current situation of needing to buy a test, but also due to the fact I have no idea how to shop or communicate here. I am completely alone and scared.
"Fuck." I curse under my breath. I quickly start walking through the aisles, looking for anything that might resemble what I am looking for. After several minutes and several aisles, I am confident I find the pregnancy tests based on the pictures on the box. I grab two boxes and make my way to the cashier. I have no idea what he says the total is so I just hand him several rubles Damien left for me. It seems to be enough as he hands me change, but honestly I don't give a flying fuck about the cost. I just want to grab the tests and get the fuck out of here.
I drive the way back to Damien's mansion, my nerves a wreck. The whole drive I am tapping my fingers on the shearing wheel, unable to handle the wait of the drive back.
Once I park the car in the garage, I rush into the house. I briefly run into Ivana and I can see confusion in her face at my brief hello as I pass her, rushing to the bathroom. I've barely made it inside the bathroom before I'm tearing open the box. I've never in my life been late. Never.
I quickly take the tests, all four of them, and put them on the counter. I step back from the counter and begin pacing around the bathroom for a minute before leaning against the wall, sliding down until my butt hits the floor. My elbows rest on my bent knees as I hang my head, terrified of the results. I look at my phone and see seven minutes have passed, more than enough time for all the tests to have resulted.
