Three weeks have passed since my return home. Everyday I find myself becoming a little more comfortable. If Damien was going to find me, he would have found me by now. I tell myself this daily. The puppies have grown quite a bit more and have gotten used to the new house and new routine.
Evan has been talking to me by texting here and there, but nothing like it was previously. I agree to meet him tonight over dinner, per his request. I was nervous when he asked to meet tonight, as I can't even imagine what he is thinking. But I miss my friend. I throw on some nice jeans with a gray sweater and grab my purse and jacket and head out. I'm not showing yet, but I can tell the differences in my body, the changes it's going through. I can feel my clothes fitting differently, becoming more snug. I luckily am still able to wear all my old clothes, but I know I won't be able to much longer. The thought that I need to go maternity shopping soon does not excite me.
I drive to the local Italian restaurant Evan requested we meet at. I'm not quite sure why he requested to meet here instead of my house like we usually do, but I don't mind. I've missed Evan and am excited to see him, regardless of where or when. I park my moms Highlander, well now my Highlander, in the adjacent parking lot and step out of the car.
Fall is setting in, causing a cool breeze to surround me. My hair blows in the wind as I walk towards the restaurant, my boots stepping onto the fallen leaves on the asphalt. Fall is one of my favorite seasons, watching the green leaves turn to orange and red. It reminds me that everything must change, everything must end. A reminder of how life is.
I walk into the restaurant and immediately see Evan sitting in the corner, standing up as he sees me. I walk over and immediately throw my arms around him, giving him a hug. Warmth and comfort fills me at the contact, realizing how much I missed him and took for granted our friendship. I can feel moisture in my eyes as I realize how much he means to me.
I sit down and immediately look at the menu while making small talk with Evan, suddenly feeling starved for food. My mind drifts back to the last time I had Italian food, sitting in the little restaurant in Rome with Damien. Don't go there, Hadley. Forget about him. I quickly shake my head as the memory surfaces, wanting nothing more than to forget. Maybe one day I will be able to look back on my time with fondness, but I don't anticipate that day to be anytime soon.
"I was so excited when you called me Ev. I really missed you." I can see his eyes soften at the sincerity in my voice.
"I'm sorry I ran off. It was just a lot to handle. I needed time to think."
I shake my head at his words, not needing an apology. "You don't owe me an apology, Evan. I completely understand why you needed space. It was the last thing I wanted, or expected. I still have mixed emotions about it myself."
I take a piece of bread for the basket in front of me and start nibbling on it, unsure of what else I should say.
"Are you planning on keeping it?" Evan asks me as he occupies himself with fidgeting with his silverware, avoiding my gaze.
I clear my throat before speaking. "Yeah. I plan on keeping it." I speak softly, my hand touching my abdomen out of instinct, protection.
The rest of the meal goes by slowly, our silence intensifying this awkwardness between us. Both of us remaining silent as we finish our meals. Things between us have never felt this strained, this awkward. I don't know what to make of it. The waiter steps away to get the bill when Evan clears his throat.
"I want to talk to you about something." Evan brings his warm chocolate eyes to mine. I know Evan well enough to be able to tell he his nervous. I can tell by the way he keeps fidgeting, his hands constantly finding something to rearrange on the table; his foot tapping against the floor of the restaurant.
