I spend the rest of the day and night still processing Damien's words, trying to make sense if everything.
If I stay with Damien, will I be putting him and our child in danger? This is my main concern. I try to distract myself by making dinner, but it doesn't help. I can't quiet the thoughts in my brain.
I check my phone for the hundredth time, hoping that Evan reads my apology messages. Once again, I find no response. I don't blame him for being angry, I just want to apologize. Apologize for hurting him. Apologize for leading him on. Apologize for him finding out about Damien.
I'm surprisingly not sorry for sleeping with Damien. I can't be sorry for it. There's always been something between us, something neither of us could fight. We are right together, and I'm done denying it. But I need to figure out what to do. Do I risk putting myself and our child in danger by staying with him?
This is what I need to decide.
******
It's been two weeks. Two weeks since Damien came back into my life. I still am no closer to trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life.
Damien comes up behind me, wrapping his hands around my waist but allowing his hands to rest on my growing abdomen. This is his favorite spot, the place of my body that he can't keep his hands off of.
"Let me take you to dinner, baby." I can feel his breath at my ear. I lay my head back against his solid chest, breathing him in. I can feel him lower his lips against my neck, tasting me. "Get dressed, I'm taking you out."
He walks away, leaving me craving him. The whole time I'm getting ready my mind continues to try and figure out where my life is going. Even during the drive, I sit in the passenger seat quiet.
"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours baby?" Damien squeezes my hand, reassuring me.
I remain quiet for a moment, unsure of what to say. "Where do you see this going, Damien. You and me?"
I avoid looking at him as I continue to stare out the window, but I can feel his eyes on me.
"What do you mean, Krasotka?"
I still avoid looking at him as I speak. "Why did come here?"
He grabs my hand, holding it within his. "I came here for you, Hadley. I love you and need you in my life. I needed to explain myself. I was going to find you regardless, but then I found the box. I found the box and had to know. Because I want a life with you Hadley, regardless of if you were pregnant or not."
I nod at his words, tightening my grip on his hand at his words.
"I am sorry, Damien. Sorry I kept this from you. You're right. You did deserve to know. But I'm not sorry about trying to protect our child." While I still would have ran after witnessing him kill someone, I do understand how he was hurt that I kept this from him. He did deserve to know.
"And I'm sorry that I made you feel that you had to run instead of talking to me." Damien pulls the car into a parking space and turns off the car, ending the conversation. He exits the car and comes to my side, opening the door for me. I take his hand and exit the car, stepping onto the snow covered parking lot.
Damien leads the way, leading us into the local Mexican restaurant. We are seated quickly and I am surprised when we are seated near the other patrons. Damien usually always asks for privacy.
As soon as I sit, chips and salsa are placed in front of us and I waste no time digging in, satisfying my latest craving.
"How did you find me?" This question has been nagging at me, wanting to be answered. I take a break from the chips and salsa to ask it.
Damien takes me hand, instantly spreading warmth through my body through the touch.
"Don't act too surprised that I found you. You underestimate what you mean to me. When I say I would do anything for you, I mean it." He pauses speaking when our entrees are placed in front of us. "But I have men who helped me track you. I knew your name and the state you were from, it wasn't hard to find you. What was hard was waiting to come find you. I had a business deal that experienced....complications and it prevented me from coming to find you sooner."
"What complications?" I have to ask. While I don't want to know, I need to know. I need to know what I am getting into.
I stare at Damien while I wait for his answer. I can see him becoming guarded at the question, but I trust him not to lie to me.
"I've told you before not all my business dealings are legal. This one didn't go as planned and I got stabbed."
I drop my fork at his words, concerned for him but also if this means I will be in danger in the future.
"I'm okay, krasotka. It just delayed me coming to get you while I healed."
"How is this going to work, Damien? You live in Russia and I live here. It sounds like you want us to be together but how is that going to happen with us living in different countries? More importantly, how am I suppose to be okay with your work? How am I suppose to be okay with you killing people and you getting hurt. Does this put me and our child in danger? I refuse to put either of us in danger. You getting stabbed just proves how dangerous your job can be." I need to get this out, my concerns. He needs to know where I stand, that I refuse to risk placing us in danger.
"I know, krasotka. I understand. That's why I had the meeting in the first place, to get out." He looks at me with his words, gauging my reaction. "I couldn't live with myself if I put you in danger. I need you with me, baby, always. When you ran it made me realize what I needed to do to keep you. Then I found that box and it really got me thinking about what I want in life. So I started removing myself from my investments. When I got stabbed I was meeting with my weapons supplier who was not happy with me quitting, which led to the confrontation. I was cutting off his funding for making them which would also mean that I won't be selling them. He got angry and stabbed me."
He's quitting? Is that possible? I stare at Damien while contemplating if this is real. It almost feels too good to be true. Could we pick up where we left off? Can I move past the fact that Damien has killed people?
"You're out? Like completely out of that work?" I am still in disbelief, even as he nods at my question.
"I'm keeping my legal, sensible investments but yes. I'm out, or will be soon."
"You did this for me?" I can hear the emotion in my voice, moved by the fact that he would give up something so important to him.
"I told you I would do anything for you. And besides. I did it for us."
I blot the tears away that were forming in the pit of my eye, my emotions getting the best of me.
"So I've thinking, we can make our primary home your house, but I would like to still keep my house in Russia and stay there for a few months of the year. Does that sound okay with you?"
I'm speechless, touched by the fact that Damien has given thought about us, to our future. The thought of having a home with Damien fills me with a warmth I can't describe, a feeling of happiness.
