I wake up the next morning to the sound of clattering coming from the kitchen. I walk down the stairs and follow the noise, finding Evan at the stove. Deja vu overcomes me, reminding me of the last time both is us were here in my kitchen together. Before everything in my life changed.
"Thank you so much for staying last night, Ev. I really didn't want to be alone." If I'm being honest with myself, I'm never going to want to be alone. I'm constantly going to be wondering if Damien is going to try and find me. I'm hoping being alone will get easier with time, but I doubt it will.
"It wasn't a problem. Honestly. You know I'm here for you."
I nod my head at his words, wondering if he would be saying these words if he knew the truth. Evan places a plate of eggs and pancakes in front of me, taking a seat next to me. I watch him momentarily, causing flashbacks of Damien and I eating breakfast similar to this to flood my head, memories of us laughing and enjoying each others company.
I quickly bring a forkful of eggs in my mouth, wanting to memory to disappear. As soon as I start to chew the eggs, my stomach turns. My mouth goes sour as I run to the sink, emptying my mouthful of eggs down the drain. After a few more dry heaves, I finally am able to stop, my stomach calming down. I wipe my mouth and return back to my chair, taking a sip of water to try and erase the rancid taste in my mouth.
"Are you okay Hadley?" I can hear the concern in his voice with his question. I look at my hands which are folded in my lap, refusing to meet his gaze. It's now or never.
"I'm pregnant." I whisper the words softly, unsure if they were loud enough for him to hear. I assume he hears them when I hear his fork drop to his plate, causing the clatter to echo through the kitchen. He drops his head in his hands and takes a deep breath.
"Jesus, Had."
I nod in agreement, knowing there are no words for this. Evan abruptly pushes his chair back and rises from the table. "I have to go to work. I'll talk to you later Hadley."
I nod once again, incapable of speaking. Tears silently fall down my cheeks. I don't blame him for leaving, for being upset. I knew before I went to Rome that Evan had feelings for me. The timing was never right for us, mostly me being consumed with being the caregiver of my mom. Then I went to Rome and met Damien. Now Evan learns not only did I meet someone, but I am pregnant by them. It's a lot to take in.
*******
I spend the rest of my day occupied, setting up the dog food and toys. I also manage to go grocery shopping, obtaining a new cell phone with a new number. I keep myself busy by slowly adjusting back to my life now that I am back home.
Even though I know Evan needs time, I text Evan my new number just in case he wants to talk to me. I also am able to set up an initial OB appointment, knowing I need to start prenatal care.
I fall asleep quickly that night, surrounded by the puppies. I reflect on my day, proud of myself for taking steps to get situation in what is now my life. I find myself beginning to believe that I can do this on my own, hope filling me.
