Forever and Always

Chapter 44

(The above picture describes me perfectly when I had to present the other day. It was awful and I couldn't stand still so I was standing up in front of the class, rocking back and forth on the balls of my feet while my hands were jammed into my hoodie pockets and I was fiddling with my thumbs. I also couldn't speak. I kept stuttering and messing up)

...

A week later

"When did you start again?" I blurted, not breaking my gaze from the TV.

Y/n was laying with her head on my chest and her hands resting on my shoulders. I had my arms loosely wrapped around her waist and my hands resting on her back.

"What?" She asked, lifting her head up to look at me as her body visibly tensed up.

"When did you start cutting yourself again?" I asked, now looking at her and turning the TV off.

All the signs were back. However, instead of her arms being the things she cut, it was now her thighs. She winced when May's leg hit hers, she was constantly pulling the fabric of her pants away from her thighs, and whenever she was laying with me, she would visibly wince anytime her leg would brush up against me or the couch.

I caught on pretty quickly after the signs started showing up again and I went into the bathroom to search for another razor. Sure enough, after only a few minutes later, I found the old, used and worn out razor, taped to the underneath of the drawer below the sink. I threw it away. Leave it to me to not think to check again every once in a while for another one.

Y/n stayed silent for a minute before letting out a shaky breath and opening her mouth to speak.

"The day after we went back there." She muttered, sitting up and looking down at her hands.

She didn't even have to say the name of the place for me to know exactly what she was talking about.

"What happened to coming to me?" I asked.

She shrugged.

"I could have helped you." I mumbled. "I could have helped you if you came to me instead."

"I know. I'm sorry." Y/n apologized.

I sat up, my hand moving to hold Y/n's. She flinched as my hand touched hers and I pulled my hand away quickly.

"How many times have you done it?" I asked, returning my hand to my lap.

"Too many times to count." She admitted.

I sighed and sat my head in my hands, running my fingers through my hair before standing up. I walked over to Y/n and crouched down in front of her.

"May I?" I asked wearily, gesturing to her pant leg.

She nodded and I gently slid her pant leg up to her upper thigh, revealing multiple deep cuts. Some, barely healed. Others, scarred. Y/n looked away from me and stared at the wall. A few tears slipped down her face and fell into her lap.

Wait. Where's her cast?

I looked up to her and placed my hand under her chin, turning her face to look at me before wiping her tears away. I slid her pant leg back down and grabbed both her hands, stroking my thumbs on the backs of them to comfort her.

And that was when I saw the ring on her finger.

What?

We've only been dating for a month. That looks like an engagement ring.

Then I took in my surroundings.

We weren't in the apartment anymore.

Instead, we were in a large house with a crap ton of extra space. There were pictures and paintings, that I assumed Y/n had taken and painted, covering the walls.

Y/n snapped me out of my gaze.

"I tried to stop, Peter. I swear." She choked out. "It's just that going back there...going back to that house, seeing her...it brought up everything that I thought I had gotten over. I never wanted to hide this from you."

"I-I know." I spoke, pressing a kiss to her forehead as I stood up, still wondering what the hell was going on.

I sat next to her and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Peter, wake up."

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I didn't say anything." Y/n sniffed.

"Peter, get up."

What the hell is tha-

I jolted up. May was shaking me awake while sitting at the end of the couch by my legs. I looked around.

I was back in the apartment.

It was just a dream.

"Hey, Pete, you good?" May asked.

"Huh? Y-Yeah." I responded.

I looked around.

"I'm heading to work." She said, getting up from the couch and placing a kiss on my forehead before walking over to the door.

"Where's Y/n?" I asked.

"She's in the bathroom. I love you, bye!" May replied, walking out of the apartment and shutting the door behind her.

Then my dream played back in my mind.

The bathroom.

The razor.

Shit.

I jumped up and ran over to the bathroom door. I pounded my fist against the door, knocking extremely loudly.

"Y/n?" I asked frantically.

No answer.

"Y/n?!" I repeated, knocking again.

There was silence on the other side of the door for a second before it opened.

"What's wrong, Pete?" Y/n asked.

I didn't respond. I looked past her. There was no signs of blood or a razor anywhere, her arms were fine and her legs, from what I could see, were as well.

I pulled her into a tight embrace, burying my face into her bare neck.

"Uhhh, Peter?" Y/n asked.

"Hmm?" I hummed against her skin.

"I'm kinda only in a towel right now." She laughed.