Alone

Chapter 14

"He just loved life, ya know?" Alex said shakily as she sat across from me on the bed. I nodded and scooted closer to her. "That's why it was such a surprise when... you know" she trailed off as a single tear ran down her cheek. I reached out and wiped her cheek and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "I'm sorry" I whispered and embraced her in a tight hug.

I felt her hug me as tight as she could and I felt her sobs shake her body. "I know, it's ok" I pet her hair and kissed her head. "We'll be ok" I continued to hold her and pet her head and her cries trailed off after about five minutes. She pulled away from me and stared at me with bloodshot eyes.

She smiled and wiped her tears. "Thank you lily" I smiled and pulled her hand up to me and kissed it. "Of course, I'm here for you" we hugged one last time before sliding off the bed and standing up. "Let's go get lunch" I suggested and Alex nodded. I grabbed her hand and walked out the door, slightly dragging her behind me. My mind began racing with thoughts of Alex's brother. His suicide hit her hard, I felt so bad for her and for her brother. What was he going through that he needed an escape like that? It was a lot, even for him, the one who was optimistic and loved everyone. Something or someone wronged him terribly. It made me sad to think about what he did because of other people. Alex missed him so much. I didn't know him but I missed him too. Alex loved him so much but she told me she suspected that he was being bullied but how bad was it? Was that all it was? I guess I'll never know, I know Alex has had these same thoughts for months and I can't do anything to help.

I can't help, not with this. All I can do is be there for her but is that enough? I sighed and looked up. Oh shit I had already walked down the stairs. I turned around to make sure Alex was there and I saw nothing. I panicked for a second. I quickly turned back around to see Alex standing in the kitchen beside my mom. She came up to me and grabbed my hand. "You ok?"

"Yeah yeah I'm fine sorry" I muttered and pulled my hand away from her and she looked hurt. My heart sank and I frowned. "Sorry" she smiled and turned around and beckoned for me to follow as she went to the kitchen. I went up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist.
"I'm sorry" I whispered in her ear as I laid my head on her shoulder.
"It's okay, I promise" she said quietly and returned my hug.

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Burning curiosity, a bad kind. Was all there was inside me. All I wanted to know was why my father had decided to come here and ruin my life like this. He didn't care about the affects it would have on me or my mom, he was only thinking about himself, once again. Even so I still wanted to know why he was here.

I sat on the floor with my hand outstretched as Alex painted my nails. The cool nail polish ran over my finger and it felt good. I sighed and felt the moment for a second before the thoughts of my father came rushing back into my head. I tried to shut them out but they wouldn't stop.
"You alright?" Alex put down the nail polish and looked up at me. I nodded my head and idea struck me.
"Can we do something fun?" I asked Alex and she looked confused. Why would she look confused.
"Lily, you don't have to ask" she laughed and I let out a nervous giggle. She had been painting my nails black and it gave my an idea to try different styles, like alt, emo, goth, punk, scene etc. I'd always been interested in those types of styles but I never had access to the clothes. I could only listen to the music.

"Can we go to the store and get some clothes I've been wanting." I asked shyly, I didn't know how Alex felt about those styles. Hopefully she would be ok with it.

"Of course, what kind did you have in mind?" Alex blew on my nails and I shrunk back. She looked at me apologetically and I gave her a reassuring smile, saying that it was alright.

I used my hand that the polish had already dried on and grabbed my phone from my lap. I opened Pinterest and searched "alt styles" and I was fascinated by the outfits it pulled up. I squealed a little as I saw a girl with fluffy black hair  wearing a pair of demonia boots with a black skirt, a crop top, fishnet leggings, skull arm warmers and tons of spikes and chain accessories with amazing dark makeup. I showed it to Alex she glanced at it and looked away.

Oh, she didn't like it.

"That's so hot" Alex whispered and giggled as she looked back at me. I grinned as I realized she did like it and and continued to look at the outfits.

___

"Oh my god! Alex look!" I squealed as I saw a pair of knee high, black boots with huge platforms and spikes and silver buckles all the way up the side. I giggled as Alex walked over and smiled at me when she saw them.
"You like those?" She chuckled. I quickly nodded my head and smiled.
"Alright sweetie you can get them, I don't care how much they are" she whispered.

Happiness filled my head as I squealed and jumped up and down. I was so happy. Alex had already gotten me knee high socks, chokers, bracelets, shirts, pants, skirts and fishnet leggings and arm sleeves. Now I just needed the boots and I'd have everything I wanted. It was the happiest I'd been that week. Alex was amazing for getting me all that.

After we left the store that probably left Alex broke. I continued to jump up and down and skip across the parking lot as we headed to the car. Alex slowly walked behind me, smiling. She unlocked the car and I quickly got in the passenger seat and impatiently waited for her to get in.

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I opened the car door and ran inside and up to my room, not bothering to wait for Alex. I wanted to try my clothes on. I heard my mom call my name and I groaned and threw the bags onto my bed. I went across the hall to her room and knocked on the door. "Come in" I opened the door and she was sweeping the floor.
"Hey sweetie, what'd you get from the store?" I gestured for her to come to my room and she leaned the broom against the wall and followed me.

I let her got through the bags and look at everything. My mom had been ok with me dressing like that during my emo phase in 8th grade. So she would probably be ok with it now but I was still worried.
"Wow these boots are awesome" I sighed in relief and walked over to her.
"Yeah Alex is so nice for getting them" I smiled as I took them out of the bag and set them on the bed.

"Lily I need to tell you something" my mom said seriously. Anxiety pricked at me as I sat down on the bed, offering my mom a seat next to me.

"What is it, is it about dad?" I asked, flashbacks hitting me as soon as I finished the sentence.

My mom nodded and looked at me with sorrow in her eyes.

"Lily your father is dying"