Tainted. Timothée Chalamet

044

a call with heaven

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Timothée

It had been almost a week since we broke up and I was officially broken. I had slept only an hour a right since i left her apartment. My mind has been imploding none stop, recounting every moment i had with her.

I know we were only dating officially for six months but i couldn't shake the feeling that Arlo was and still is the love of my life. When we were together she would do the smallest thing that without fail caused me to tell myself that i was going to marry this girl. But it was all over.

I couldn't help but think about how everything could've been different. If only we had more time. If only we met earlier. If only.

I sat in my bed shifting restlessly letting my own anxiety and panic take the wheel. I didn't know i was crying until a droplet landed on my phone screen. As i stared at the tear making its way lower and lower down the screen I didn't think twice when I opened my contacts and pressed her name. It was two in the morning and I was impatiently letting the phone ring out.

"Hey." She said faintly into the phone. The sound of her voice left me shaking and i gasped out of surprise. I never thought she would actually pick up but there she was. Her soft voice caused more tears to roll down my cheeks. "Hey are you okay?" I let a pathetic laugh slip through the speaker before I spoke.

"Can you just stay on the phone. I cant sleep- I haven't slept." She didn't say anything but i heard her ragged breathe crackle through my speaker. "Can we just pretend that we're okay. Just for one night." I said heavily. It felt like years as i waited for her reply.

"...yeah." She said softly. We didn't say anything for the rest of the call but her soft breathing seemed to drift me to sleep very quickly. It made me feel like she was actually here, holding me again.

When i closed my eyes I dreamed of her. Everything we were and everything we could've been.

Arlo

"Timothée?" No reply just the soft sound of his breathing filled my ears. He was asleep. "I love you." I whispered before i hung up the phone. As the screen turned black it reality hit. I would never get to be with him again and probably never see him again.

For the past week I had been wrapped up in bed dealing with pain. Emotional and physical. The headaches returned and I just let them. I refused to move. I didn't even get up to pee or eat. Sawyer had to help me for the first couple of days but eventually i refused to let her see me like this so I just pretended I was okay.

A part of me wished I never hung up the phone. To just spend the whole night listening to him breathe.

Panic rose again within my stomach and I felt my breathing get quicker. My heart was beating against my ribs and i felt it vibrate through my body. Something was wrong.

I pushed myself up from the bed and stood on my feet. I instantly felt a wave of dizziness wash over me like a tidal wave and before i realised what was happening I was passed out on the floor.

I heard Sawyer next to me but I couldn't move. I felt paralysed in a panic. I knew I was wailing but I couldn't hear it. Sawyer was screaming but all i could see was her mouth moving and that was it. I watched motionless as she picked up her phone and pressed it up against her ear.