One and only warning: This book contains religion, catholic guilt, sex addiction, drug abuse, graphic sexual content and heavy violence. Read at your own discretion.
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"I am a priest, Anna. A child of god. You are a temptation," He whispered out, h...
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I've always told myself to stay far away from things that don't need my attention. I was praying day and night over things that are out of my control and that is the only thing I can do.
But Anna.
What would a person do if you saw someone being abused by their own parent? I would hope they would help, not stand idly by and mind their own business.
I didn't feel like Anna was my responsibility, but I did want to help her as much as I could. Her mum was shit and her dad was a empty shell of a man that just lets whatever happen, happen.
Our bible studies aren't even bible studies anymore. It was just me and her talking. I'm basically a unpaid therapist. She tells me stuff that she doesn't want others to know and I keep it to myself.
"Do you ever feel like you're gonna go to hell? Like, no matter how much you repent or pray to god, you're still gonna go? As if he doesn't even care, like, he will just send you to hell anyways?" Anna asked me one day.
"All the time." I answered.
It was the truth.
"I think my mom is manipulating me and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to forgive her." She said.
"You don't have to forgive shitty people that manipulate you. You get rid of them and move on--in a healthy way." I said back.
Manipulation is such a scary tactic. Not to mention gaslighting. Anna started to feel crazy within her own mind because she was starting to unlearn a lot of things her mum and dad had taught her.
"I'm looking for an apartment. Gracie is helping me too. I think I'm ready to live life the way I want it to be." She said.
"I want to change, I want to be a better person." She continued, "I want to leave the church."
Leave the church....
That was a tricky one.
I knew the feeling. I used to be in church when I lived in London, but that ended quickly when my dad died and I had no one left. Leaving the church was a pain in my fucking ass because it was actually a cult. But that's a story for another day.
I tried to reach out to any of my family members that may let me stay with them, but they all moved to Ireland to be with my Grandma.
I do have a dark past, I've done things I'm not proud of. After my dad died, I started running with people who wanted to see me fail instead of people who wanted to see me do better.
I drowned my sorrows in pills, coke, alcohol.
That wasn't that bad. I could live with that. Those things are accessible to me, y'know? Things that I could get from the local drug dealer that always hung out on the corner of Maple and Brown avenue. Of course that was a not so good part of town, and I never thought I would ever find myself walking those streets.
