Hugging my body pillow tight against me I pressed my face into it to muffle my sobs. I'd gotten back from my ultrasound today and while I should be ecstatic I felt more miserable than ever. Alyssa had gone with me and had even been more excited to find out the sex then I had been. I was suppose to share that moment with Hunter not her.
It was suppose to be Hunter that cried when the gritty image of my child appeared on the screen not Alyssa.
It was suppose to be Hunter that was with me every moment of this not my twin.
Why did everything have to be so messed up? It was around three in the morning and I knew Alyssa was asleep. She knew how upset I'd been and left me alone after I'd snapped at her twice in the car on the ride home.
I was still so angry at Hunter and unbelievably hurt but I loved him so much and each day without his voice and presence twisted my heart even more. I sobbed until it felt like I was going to be sick and suddenly I knew I was actually going to be sick. I tried to get out of bed quickly but only manged to tangle the sheets with my legs sending me right to the floor.
Sobbing and feeling beyond nauseated I gave up on trying to untangle myself and pushed myself up and dry heaved my lungs aching at how little air I was receiving.
Suddenly hands were at my legs untangling me before I felt hands under my arms lifting me up. Just as I was placed at the toilet I emptied my stomach sobbing and gasping. I continued to heave and heave until I was dizzy and weak.
When I no longer felt the urge to heave I slipped onto the floor exhausted and miserable. I curled into a ball and continued to cry my arms wrapped around my belly. This was probably the exact opposite of stress free.
I could hear the shower being turned on but I didn't pay any attention. I just wanted a little piece of happiness.
My eyes closed and I didn't bother opening them when I was lifted up. I felt myself being lowered back to the floor expect now there was a constant spray of warm water against me. My head rested gently on a shoulder as a hand rubbed my back soothingly. I slowly felt myself calm down my breathing returning to normal along with my heart rate.
"It's a girl." I whispered so quietly my own ears barely even pick it up but he heard me.
He tenses against me before wrapping his arms around me tighten. I sigh closing my eyes as he presses a kiss to me temple. I buried myself deep against his chest breathing in his scent. God I had missed him. He held me tighter breathing in my scent.
"Thats wonderful news kitten." He rasped in a low tone that made me shiver.
"Is it really?" I asked cautiously.
"Yes kitten its amazing. A mini you seems like a dream." I could hear the smile in his tone.
I didn't say anything and after five minutes he slowly pulled me to my feet before pulling my soaked clothes off me. I rested my head on his chest as he stripped me then stripped himself. Grabbing the soap he gently started to clean me. I knew I should be furious with him. I should scream and rage at him to get out and leave me alone but I was so tired. I needed him.
He stepped back washing my shoulder and down to my chest before cupping my breast. He wasn't sexual in his touch and for that I was thankful. When he got to my belly he paused his hands hovering. Slowly I reached up and grasped his palms before resting them against my stretched skin.
He let out a foreign gasp/cry before he suddenly sank to his knees in front of me. I was completely stunned as he closed his eyes letting out another agonized sound his hands gently grasping my belly.
