Blue {DoTae} | complete

Taeyong: Smile for you

Like every morning, Taeyong's alarm beeps at five o'clock on the dot. And, like every morning, Taeyong rolls over to slam it on snooze without opening his eyes, burying his face in the pillow to will himself back to sleep even though he has to be out the dorm in half an hour. His skull feels like it's about to split, the tension behind his eyes too prominent and persistent to ignore, and he regrets drinking as much as he did last night. Especially in the middle of such a busy week.

But he was alone and tired and stuck in his mind. The tears were flowing, and so was the wine out of its bottle into the glass that he hates to see empty and hates to see full. The evenings where he curls up in a ball on the sofa and drinks his sorrows away are becoming too frequent. Sanghee has scolded him multiple times for being so reckless. The company has scolded him time and time again for skipping his therapy sessions and for not taking his meds, threatening to cut his contract if he keeps being late to schedules because of his apparent lack of ability to get out of bed in the morning.

Taeyong loves his work. He loves making music, writing lyrics and dancing. But getting out of bed is always the hardest part of his day. His oversized pink bunny stares at him when he finally cracks his eyes open. He reaches out a shaky hand to tug it towards him by an ear, then tucks it under his chin and keeps stroking the soft fur, wishing he had someone to sleep beside him for real.

He's always surrounded by people, but he always feels so alone.

He has so many people cheering for him and so many people he could reach out to at any point, and yet he keeps drowning in his own thoughts.

Sanghee, the woman who's always overflowing with positivity and happiness. Hyunseok, who may be kind of grumpy but the idol knows he's there for him at any time he needs him. His lovely therapist. His entire family. The rest of the SM family.

Just because he lost one person from his life doesn't mean he has to push everyone else away. He's been through this no short of a million times with his therapist, but it's difficult to shift the thought that he deserves this loneliness when it comes with such emptiness and hopelessness. His ex used him, sure, but that doesn't mean he didn't appreciate his company even when it dawned on him that the relationship was not healthy in any way.

He kept going back to the man because he promised a hug and some warm food and drunken touches. And now, months later, he's still struggling to pick up the pieces.

His alarm beeps again. Taeyong squeezes the rabbit's ears tight and sits up, winces at the twinge in his back, and groans at the realisation that fifteen more minutes must have passed and he now only has fifteen minutes to get ready. He doesn't have to do hair or makeup because the stylists will sort that for him, but he'd rather not rock up in his pyjamas. He does have a reputation to maintain, after all.

Taeyong pulls on the first hoodie he comes to and pairs it with the pair of sweatpants dumped on his chair. He stares at the fridge, before deciding against it and heading outside. Hyunseok is already waiting for him in the car on the street outside.

"Good morning." The idol greets. He cringes at the scratch of his voice and his head pounds even harder, stomach clenching in hunger when his manager hands him a bag of food.

"I figured you wouldn't have eaten yet today. You can sleep while getting your makeup done." Hyunseok explains before driving off. The radio fills their silence.

Taeyong thanks him quietly and forces a smile through the nasty hangover that makes his moves uncoordinated and the last thing he wants to do is eat in a car when he's already feeling queasy, but he's starving. The pastry is too tempting, as is the coffee, so the food is gone by the time they arrive at the building. Hyunseok helps him out the car. More staff are waiting to greet him at the door and he's soon sinking into a chair, eyelids already shutting.