Coming Home

six.

[5th MAR. 2016]

"Oh my god, mum, why are we watching this?!" you whine out to your mum, who for some reason, decided to put on a bunch of videos from when you were a kid on your TV for Jaehyun to see. "Please turn it off," you begged, as you reached over to where your mum was standing behind the couch you and Jaehyun were both situated on, trying to get ahold on the TV remote she was gripping onto.

Jaehyun is over at yours today for dinner as his parents had to go out of town to take care of a few things. Conversations about your childhood were brought up while your mum was preparing dinner, which led to your dad putting videos of you when you were little on the big screen for your best friend to see.

Even though you and Jaehyun had known each other since you were 8, he was curious to see what you were like before he met you.

"No please don't, I love this. Y/N you're so adorable!" Jaehyun says as he slaps your arm playfully. "You looked so cute when you were little." You could feel yourself blush from his words.

On TV right now, was a younger you, dressed up in your favourite pyjamas and belting out to songs you had learnt at school, holding onto a remote control, pretending that it was your microphone.

"The vocals though!" Jaehyun laughs.

"Next time, it'll be your turn." squinting your eyes at Jaehyun.

—

After dinner, you and Jaehyun decided to get some fresh air and headed to the local park a few minutes away from your house.

Snow had built up across Seoul since it had been snowing quite heavily for the past few days, and you were always excited because it meant you got to build snowmen and have snowball fights.

It was something you enjoyed doing ever since you moved to Seoul and became friends with Jaehyun. Whenever it snowed, you felt like a child again. It always reminded you of the time you and Jaehyun played in the snow together for the first time when you were kids. Those memories made you smile.

Though you were wrapped in your puffy coat and boots, your hands were freezing. You were so excited about the snow that you forgot your gloves at home, and Jaehyun forgot his too.

Jaehyun picked up a snowball and tried to aim it at you but dropped it to the ground when he saw you rubbing your hands together and blowing air into it to try to warm them up. He ran up to you and grabbed your hands. You swore you felt your whole body shiver, not from the cold, but Jaehyun's touch. Jaehyun started blowing air into your hands and repeatedly rubbed his hands over yours. You looked at him with adoration as he did so.

After a while, Jaehyun stopped and looked at you, his hands still clasped over yours. He seemed nervous, and it looked like something had occupied his mind.

"Y/N, I need to tell you something."

Jaehyun looked at you intensely. He's never looked at you like that before, and it made you anxious.

Was he going to confess to you?

Deep down, you hoped he did.

Ever since that kiss 2 years ago, you kept thinking about how you felt. At one point, you felt that it was just a stupid kiss and it meant nothing, but as more time went by, you realised that you couldn't get it off your mind. You couldn't get him off your mind. You found yourself wanting something more with Jaehyun.

There have been times when you wanted to talk to Jaehyun about what happened, but you didn't have the guts to bring it up. Jaehyun never spoke of that kiss again, so neither did you.

Since then, following several conversations and advice from your friends, you concluded that you were definitely in love with your best friend. They wanted you to confess to him. You had been going back and forth on whether to confess your feelings to Jaehyun or not.

You found yourself questioning whether it was worth the risk because what if he didn't feel the same way? Did he even like you back? Were you willing to potentially lose your friendship over this? You were scared of the outcome.

It's been 2 years now; maybe you should tell him soon before it's too late...

"Remember how I told you I applied for several universities, including one out of the country? Well, the one abroad accepted me. I start in August, so I'll need to move there sometime in July to get settled down."

The moment he said those words, your heart sank, shattered into a million pieces.

Your expression turned from sweet to sour. The glistening of your eye smile quickly disappeared, and was replaced with tears waiting to spill out. You looked everywhere but at him, not wanting to look at him anymore as you know it will now hurt you instead of healing you.

You snatched your hands away from his. The feeling of warmth quickly disappears. You didn't care if your hands were cold again because all you cared about right now was the fact that your best friend that you grew up with, that you loved so much, was going to be moving away from you.

You didn't know what to do at that point, so you started to walk back home, processing what Jaehyun had just told you. You heard footsteps behind you that were quicker than yours against the snow, which let you know he's trying to catch up with you.

"Y/N", Jaehyun calls out to you. You hear his footsteps get faster until he's right in front of you, making you stop.

You don't look at him, keeping your eyes on the ground when he calls your name again. Instead of walking away, you stand there, hands gripping on the end of your sleeves. You don't dare to move as Jaehyun takes a step closer to you and another step.

He can hear sniffles from you. You're crying. You want to stop, so you hide your face with your hands, trying to calm yourself down, but it doesn't work when Jaehyun pulls you into a tight hug, which makes you cry even harder.

You only had less than 4 months left to spend as much time with him. 4 months isn't that long, and it might seem like a while away, but you spent almost all your life with Jaehyun, it's weird to know that he'll be moving away soon and that you won't see him as often as you do now. You won't be able to close your front door, and within 10 seconds, you'll be outside his. Time will fly by, and the next thing you know, you'll be at the airport crying your eyes out, saying goodbye to him.

How long would it be until you could see him again once he moves away?

Will this be the end of your friendship?

At that moment, you wanted to confess your feelings to him, but you chose not to. You thought it would be unfair to him, and you didn't want to make him feel like he had to choose between you and his dream.

You knew how much Jaehyun wanted to attend this university, which unfortunately was in a different country. Attending and graduating from it meant he had a high chance of working at his dream job, and you didn't want to take him away from that.

After all, you would do anything to keep the one you loved happy, right? Even if it meant having to sacrifice your happiness, just for a while...