the amor files: lumos || jaemin na

year one - moot point

the first two months of schooling was brutal. jinah had completely withdrawn herself from the world. her professors were relatively nice, and the actual subjects she learned were pretty interesting, but even though she was passing classes with flying colors, neither the professors nor other students took a particular interest in her. not that they didn't try. the professors, especially, tried to engage with jinah as much as possible, somewhat desperately, as they watched the class topper withdraw into herself more and more. but it was difficult to coax her out of her shell when she was so unwilling to event meet them eye-to-eye, her self-confidence completely dashed.

she was silent for a large majority of class, rarely speaking unless she was spoken to, and doing partner work alone. her roommates were kind and often offered to hang out with her - which went against all previous conceptions jinah had of slytherin students - but jinah was too ashamed to associate herself with them, dismissing them with a cold denial to engage with them unless absolutely necessary.

she knew she was being cruel, that she was being unfair to herself and to others, but there was no ridding herself of the shame and guilt eating her inside out.

everything she had stood for seemed to be moot now. what was the point of thinking she was so brave and valorous if she couldn't even prove it to a stupid hat?

kannika sits next to her in all of the classes that hufflepuff and slytherin have together, never once forcing jinah to talk to her, instead content with just being with her. they have a mutual understanding of each other, in which jinah does all of the actual coursework while kannika handles anyone who might want to engage in any sort of interaction with them.

it was almost as though kannika was shielding her from the outside world. it was...safe.

but jinah didn't have that kind of buffer with gryffindor. when gryffindor and slytherin had classes together, jinah made to sure to keep her head down, quill constantly moving so that no professor would call on her. one time, just two weeks before halloween, jinah had made the mistake of looking up, catching the eye of jaemin sitting next to jeno.

the same cold look of contempt that she saw when she was first sorted into this godforsaken cohort mars the delicate features of his face and jinah vows to never look up ever again. to never cross paths with him. to never even breathe in the same area that he was.

jinah knows better than to place a shred of her self-image in the hands of the likes of jaemin na. but the sheer disgust that she had seen, as if he were grossed out by her very nature, seeps into her mind and slowly, her heart.

jinah, who had been silent before, barely speaks at all, not even to professors. she didn't breathe a word to anyone, not even on accident. four months into the school year, she had forgotten the sound of her own voice.

jeno tried to talk to her, striking up conversation when he would hand her mail from their parents, but she would just stare at him blankly, shifting her eyes in jaemin's direction (but never looking quite at him) and back to him. he never gave up, bless his heart, but jinah could tell that even his patience was growing thin as his concern grew.

but what did he know about being a vile person? that's what separated the two of them, wasn't it? the fact that he was in gryffindor and she was in slytherin, even though they both shared the same blood?

but even amidst all this, the only person who never gave up was kannika. she wasn't quite loud, per say, but she would never let jinah just sit in silence all day. whatever was happening in school, whether it be the latest gossip or the coolest new thing about magic she had learned, would encase jinah in the bubble of kannika and her, the two of them in their own world.

three months into the school year, someone had tried to breach the bubble once, sitting down next to kannika with a bright smile and a willing heart before jinah had gotten to class. but as soon as she arrives, choosing a bench in the far back of the classroom, kannika fixes the person next to her with a kind smile and relocates to sit next to jinah, already babbling about the fact that 'pens were so much more efficient than quills, really.'

if kannika had noticed the upward twitch of jinah's lips, she said nothing, merely continuing on her rant, more enthusiastically than before.

soon enough, jinah starts engaging in conversation with kannika more often, her voice just a whisper now compared to the self-assured boom of her voice previously. she never spoke to anyone else besides kannika, but she was speaking nonetheless and although professor mcgonagall never said a word about their situation, kannika could tell that she was happy about the fact that jinah was slowly starting to warm up to not only her house, but her own self.