High Expectations (sasunaru)

6.

The silence was loud. It was the very first time it felt incredibly awkward sitting next to Kiba. I've always been at ease with him, especially since he wouldn't constantly interrogate me. It's happened once, where he found himself asking me too many questions and swiftly apologized. I valued his apology even though it felt like a phony. I was unsure of my feelings towards him, he wasn't capable of matching my standards due to his lack of responsibility but I couldn't entirely consider him a bother.

I leaned my head against the palm of my hand and pursed my lips. I lowered my vision and swirled my spoon from left to right, observing the cereal as it broke into smaller particles atop of the milk. I lost my appetite a while ago since I kept overthinking about yesterday evening.

I've never been so out of it. Ever since I stepped onto this boat, I've been living in a state of constant misery. After a period of self-contemplation, I've been revealed as someone who persistently hates. I've always been burdened with this curse but it's only worsened. I look into the mirror and stare at the lousy reflection meeting my eyes. I usually cross my arms and mentally degrade myself for being who I am. It's not surprising when I begin to feel that black mood towering over my head, something so dark and dull, it couldn't even be dispelled. As if the pits of despair are seconds before my feet, another move and I could've been drowning in my own agony.

Am I the only one who feels this way? Is there something clinically wrong with me? Maybe I've been caught in a fuzz due to Naruto's odd behaviour. I've wanted to speak with him ever since our kiss but I never had the courage to. There were so many risks yet, were they worth taking? I'd be better off keeping a friendly distance from the blond, it'll help us both. On the other hand, I didn't know what was wrong with him. It obviously bothered me not knowing, especially if it's something I could've caused.

I bit the insides of my cheeks and shrugged. I lifted my chin to find Kiba looking at me. He immediately averted his eyes and brushed his hair back, taking another bite of food as it patiently awaited him.

"That's awkward," I mumbled, stuffing a soggy spoonful of cereal into my mouth. He shrugged his shoulders and sighed, rubbing his knuckles against the temples of his head as a former distraction from his humiliated state.

"Man, you're the one who isn't talking," he muttered while pursing his lips. I lifted my arm and swung it to the side.

"Where's Naruto?" I asked with a curious gaze. He swallowed a mouthful of burnt toast and cringed at the taste, squinting his eyes shut with the twitch of an eyebrow.

"Not here, why do you suddenly care?"

I didn't care that much unless I was just telling myself that. The blond was practically here every morning, it felt odd not having him around. It could've been due to yesterday's occurrence or he could've picked up an interest in Neji.

"No reason, it's not like I actually wanted him around anyway," I lied, looking towards Kiba who seemed to believe my blatant lack of honesty. I abruptly stood and placed my unfinished plate of cereal into the sink.

I picked up the green rag we normally hung around the faucet and firmly squeezed the fabric under the running water. I tugged at my sleeves with the help of my teeth and poured an ounce of soap onto the rag. I twisted the fabric with the strength of my hands and gradually rinsed my plate. I thoroughly washed the bowl with the soapy rag and switched between rinsing and scrubbing.

I dramatically sighed once I laid my eyes upon the piled set of dirty dishes towards my left. I gritted my teeth and snatched the largest plate, cringing at the particles of food running down the sink. "The least you can do is wash your damn dishes, you bastard," I raised my tone in utter disgust.