13 and depressed

Chapter 1

So... I'm 13 years old and depressed.
I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. my "friends" at church make me feel like shit. I try not to let it get to me, but it's just so hard for me to not think about it.
I have two best friends. Raena, And Keke (Keara). I love them to death. they're my only true friends. everybody else puts me through living hell. but yeah, I'm depressed. sometimes I just wanna disappear, but I can't leave my best friends.
one of my best friends Raena, has recently went through a somewhat bad breakup. and I've tried to be there for her when I'm going through shit I haven't told her about yet. I've self-harmed, and wanted to die.

I weigh about 93 pounds, I'm not anorexic, I just have a fast metabolism. There's also this guy, his name is Hayden. he's 15, he's also my best friends cousin. oops.. he's also moving back to Arkansas in May. which sucks because my birthday is in May. but I have a HUGE crush on him. but I'm WAY to scared to tell him. man my life sucks.
People always make fun of self-harm, depression, and suicide. To be fucking honest it pisses me the fuck off! Nobody deserves to go through fucking hell every damn day of their life. it sucks, honest to fucking God. I go through hell everyday cause of my family. they put me through hell and they don't even know it. But I'm glad they don't know. I honestly hate my family, they've put me through so much fucking hell. I wish I could just disappear. If only I could disappear.

I wish I could just fucking die already. I'll never get a boyfriend, I'll never get married. honest to god I wanna die. I hate my life. and I wish I could end it. but I'm to much of a pussy to do so. which isn't a surprise. I hate people so fucking much! I wish I didn't live in a world so fucked up.

Btw at first the chapters might not be very long. I'm still new at this. hopefully I'll have chapter 2 up either tonight or tomorrow depending on how well everything goes.