The Aftertaste

Chapter Fifteen

Mom is bubbling with laughter as I recall the past couple of days to her. I want to smack her and tell her nothing is funny about any of it but it's nice to see her smile. Grayson falls over Calvin's feet and they burst into a fit of laughter. I wish I was care-free like them. No worries, just bumps and scratches that heal over time.
"So what are you going to do about this handsome AJ boy?" She sips her wine and wiggles her eyebrows.  After everything, AJ is the last person on my mind. He blew me off and I've felt nothing but shame since then.
"I'm over that. I know my worth." I lie, adding a laugh.
"But you do, maybe he was kidnapped or his phone broke? You should hear him out. You'd want someone to hear you out. Right?"
Here she is, always with the right answers at the wrong time. I groan and Grayson roars beside me.
"Mommy, Dino!" He giggles, all gums. I'm so in love with his little life. I like not knowing if Derrick or Joe is the other half of him but how long can I fight that off. I've done the math a thousand times but math and DNA can tell two different stories.
"So what about the dinner, you taking Grayson?"
Another obstacle.
"I-I mean do I have a choice?"
"Baby, you always have a choice."
"Well, no, I'll look guilty if I don't."
"Well, are you guilty?"
Am I? I'm guilty of something, I just haven't decided what it is, yet.
"I don't know, am I?"
This time she doesn't have an answer and it upsets me. I always get myself in these fucked up positions. When everything was good, falling into place, I ran away. I've always ran away. It's the way I cope, get by in life.
"I think you have some truth in everything you've done. It's up to you on how you shine light on it and how you choose to display it. Everything happens for a reason and maybe you need to put on your big girl panties, or that thong you wore for Mister AJ, and starting making the decisions that make you happy. Regardless of what you decide, you still have a loving family waiting to pick you up and put you back on level ground. If others choose to let you go, they were seasonal to begin with and you deserve better. I'm going to get dinner started, relax and think on what I said."
Easier said than done. My phone vibrates and Lizzie's name pops up.
I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me.

I swipe it away, not something I'm ready to touch on. She meant no harm and yet I'm still upset with her.
It vibrates again, an unknown number.
Please call me, we need to talk.

Is it Joe? Would he be texting me? My heart skips a beat. He still has that effect on me. Seeing him was heart wrenching and seeing him with Aubrey was even worse.
I dial the number and wait for an answer.
Everything happens for a reason, right?