The Aftertaste

Chapter Twenty-Three

I'm pacing the floor, my pajama pants dragging behind me. He said 9:30, it's 10:30. I should just go to bed but what if he comes? My body wants to wait up for him; mentally, my anxiety is whooping my ass. So, I pace. Greyson passed out hours ago and I still haven't laid him in bed. My phone vibrates:

Outside.

I adjust my hair and attempt to pull my pajamas up. He's outside. At my door. Waiting for me to open the door. So open it, idiot.
My fingers rake my hair one more time before I open the door. Joe looks at me with his beautiful eyes and I'm frozen.
"I thought you might've fallen asleep, did I wake you?" His voice is low and husky.
"No, no. I waited for you."
I instantly regret saying that. Why would I even reveal that.
"I've been here, just had to work up the courage to come to the door."
So we're both nervous. I was pacing and he was just sitting in the car, mind racing. We're a mess.
"Come in, I'm sorry. I-it's late, my thinking skills are turned off after hours."
He chuckles and slides past me. His cologne is strong and intoxicating.
In the living room, he stares at Greyson, fast asleep on the couch. I wonder what he's thinking. Is it love like when I laid eyes on Greyson or is it regret? Pain? Sorrow?
"God, he's so beautiful." He whispers. I nod but I know he can't see me. What do I say? Thank you?? He's half of him so this is half his work. I look at Greyson, his hair is disheveled like always. I've always seen Joe in him, I don't know why I denied it. This is our baby boy. Two people who fell in love but couldn't seem to get it right.
"I'm going to carry him to bed and we can sit and..talk?"
"Can I do it?"
My eyes water. I've imagined Greyson having someone to call his father and tuck him in at night. Someone who could teach him the masculine side of life while I teach him love and sensitivity.
Joe lifts him with ease and I guide him to his bedroom. Greyson doesn't even move. They look so handsome and I wish I could experience this everyday.
He cracks the door and follows me back to the living room. The tv is playing Riverdale and I can't seem to tune in. We're silent. I can hear my heartbeat and for a second, I can hear his too.
Silence.
"I-"
"Listen, I was aggressive and I shouldn't have spoken to the mother of my child like that."
It sounds weird rolling off his tongue. The mother of his child.
"It's fine, I get it."
"No, it's really not. Why didn't you tell me?"
The million dollar question.
"I wasn't sure ..if you were his father."
"You knew there was a possibility."
Right. He's right. I hate when he's right.
"I mean, what would that have helped?"
He looks at me and then back at the tv.
"You could've told me."
I stare at Jughead, trying to avoid speaking.
Silence.
"So what happens now?" I chew on my lip as I stare at him.
"I postponed the wedding. I need to get things in line. I have a son. He needs me."
My heart skips a beat. My emotions are in shambles. We have a son.
"And then?"
"We'll see."
My anxiety skyrockets off the charts. Swallowing leaves a lump in my throat. The future is frightening and shakes you awake. The wedding is postponed and I feel terrible. Why would I ruin two perfectly happy people with my mess.
"I'm s-"
There's knocking at the door, interrupting me. I look through the peephole and AJ is holding flowers and wine. Oh no. No, no, no. I have to open it. God, no.
I slide the door open a little, heart racing.
"Baby, you haven't been answering my calls. I got yo-"
"Listen, it's not a good time."
"Why? I came all this way to surprise you."
"My son is sleeping, can I-just call you tomorrow?"
He looks defeated and yet again, I'm left feeling horrible. I'm terribly good at making people feel terrible.
"Okay..well here. Tomorrow."
He gives me the wine and flowers. I kiss his cheek and he smirks. Before he can say another word I shut the door. That was close, my heart is still racing. Why is my heart racing?
"Is that your boyfriend? I can leave."
Joe leans on the wall, a smile on his face.
"Why are you smiling?"
"You have a boyfriend."
"I don't have a boyfriend, idiot. Wipe that smile off."
"Well, what is he?"
"A friend."
"That brings flower and wine?"
I'm stunned. I look at the flowers and wine. Roses, the prettiest roses.
"Yes."
"So this friend wouldn't mind us cracking that wine open?"
"I-I don't see why not."
He takes the bottle and makes his way to the kitchen. My legs feel stuck and I have to shake the jitters off.
This isn't so bad after all. I can't believe I was nervous. He pours two glasses of wine, sliding me one.
"To us. To our beautiful baby boy." His glass waits for mine. Us. Our.
Heart on my sleeve, I clink my glass against his.
"To us."

It's quiet. Too quiet. My eyes adjust and I realize I'm in the living room. There's a blankets across me, the tv playing softly. Last night floods my mind as I jump up. Greyson is especially quiet.
I peek in his room, the bed is a mess and he's not in it.
"Greyson, mommy doesn't want to play hide and seek. Come out."
Nothing.
"Greyson, we'll skip snack time!"
Nothing.
My nerves peak and I begin to search the house. I'm yelling and shuffling things around. He's normal hiding spots are empty. Maybe he's gotten better at this.
"Greyson! Come out, now!"
"Mommy!"
The front door swings open and in strolls Joe and Greyson.
"Where have you been!"
I squeeze him, burying my face in his little neck.
"I took him for breakfast. I didn't mean to-"
"This is my son. You don't just leave with him without asking!" I growl.
"He's my son too."
"Fwiend!" Greyson squeals, reaching for Joe. I burn holes in Joe, wanting to kill him.
"Kitchen, Joe. Greyson sit at your table."
His smirk doesn't leave, I could smack the shit out of him.
"I got you some coffee an-"
"Joe, you don't take my son without asking. Anything could've happened!"
"I'm his father? What could happen."
I'm stunned.
"ANYTHING!"
His smirk is gone and he looks confused. He's right but Greyson doesn't know him yet, we haven't gotten there. I raised him, I want him by me at all times.
"Relax, you're right. I didn't mean any harm."
His arms extend and I feel myself soften. My fear was that he would take Greyson and never comeback, I could never tell him that.
"I'm sorry too. Let's go talk to Greyson"
No time is better than now, Greyson will finally get to meet the man who helped create him.