The Aftertaste

Chapter Twenty Eight

The room feels like it's spinning. I swallow and stare at a spot on the wall, wishing I knew what to say. Joe doesn't say anything but I know he's thinking. Aubrey could pop up at any moment and I'm ready to be done with this whole ordeal.
"I think we should work things out." Joe mumbles. I almost can't hear him but I do. Working things out seems like the last ability we will ever have.
"You have a situation. I have things-"
"Fuck! It's always something with you! Just say you fucking hate me."
His tone surprises me and it's far from what I expected.
"But I don't.."
"Show me. Make love to me the way you've been doing every night. Let me love you and care for you. Please. Let me help you with my son!"
There's a gasp at the bedroom door. Joe pulls it open to reveal Luke and Lizz eavesdropping. Lizz has her eyes on me and she doesn't look happy.
"Well secrets fucking out." Joe shoves pass them and I'm left to explain.
"You kept that secret from us?" Lizz mumbles.
"Why?" Luke stares. I can't say anything. I'm sorry, won't even make its way to my tongue. I don't know when or how I wanted them to find all this out but this wasn't the idea.
"You knew all this time? You knew it was his and you said nothing?" Lizz is staring into my soul.
"I-it was a fifty fifty thing..I knew there was a pos-"
"She's a slut, babe." Luke spits over me. It doesn't even hurt because I know it's anger spewing from him.
"I'm sorry, guys. Me and Joe were just figuring things out."
"He's fucking engaged. You stood by me but you're just like Luke's mistress. Selfish. You deserve everything you get."
That hurts. Am I a mistress? A slut?
What was I thinking? Sleeping with him? Coming here? Igniting things back up. I'm a mess of a woman and no matter how hard I try, I'm left being the bad person. I've grown so much, mentally and physically. Why is karma still finding it way to me, miles away from where it started. I want to shout back at them. At Derrick. At Aubrey and Joe. At AJ. Dave. Literally everyone who has ever made my life harder than it had to be.
"You know what. You're right. I'm wrong. I ruined everything but you know something? Everyone fucks up. Me. You. Luke. Everyone. Y'all are so oblivious to your own faults but can point out my fuck up. I was in a fucked up place. I didn't know if Greyson belonged to Derrick or Joe. I didn't ask any of you to get involved. Joe snuck a test and confirmed everything, without me even knowing. I wanted to tell y'all, but I needed to finish processing what's going on. I wasn't trying to be a mistress or a slut, I've always loved Joe, always imagined my life with him. I no longer have that chance but this vacation was a taste of everything I thought it was and I don't regret one bit of it. I'm the bad guy, stupidly in love with a man just as crazy about me and we just can't fucking get it right. Imagine that."

My stuff is thrown into my bags and I'm out the door before that can say anything to me. I don't need them or this drama. I was doing great before they came back around, I'll keep doing great. I'm erasing myself. Lizzie calls herself my best friend but didn't even try to hear me out. I hope this life is everything they want it to be, without me.

I've busied myself this past month. The calls stopped coming after a week of me leaving that cabin. Mom handles the drop offs between Joe and Greyson so I haven't talked to him since the argument. That's fine with me. I've had enough of the fun and fast life. The wedding is tomorrow for Aubrey and Joe, as far as I'm aware and I won't be in attendance. Mom said she would still be attending because who is she to miss good food and dressing up. I'm pretty sure Aubrey hired a new photographer after the fact and I wish her luck. The photographer, not Aubrey.
I'm done. The taste was amazing while it lasted but the aftertaste? Burns like warm liquor on a summer night.