Hold your Hand || Johnny Cade x Reader

⚡ i love you ⚡

The two walked in silence for a while, and with no destination in mind. It was a comfortable silence, but they nonetheless wanted to take advantage of being alone together.

Johnny spoke first.

"[Y/N]... uhm, did you do something new with your hair?"

[Y/N] fingered a strand and giggled sheepishly. "Well... I came to see you first thing in the morning, so I didn't have time to curl it and pin it and... Yeah, it's different. I just threw it up." Her hand fell back to her side.

Johnny looked at the messy ponytail for a few more moments, then replied, "I think it looks real nice."

She blinked. "Really?"

He nodded, smiling to himself, and they walked a few more paces before he spoke again.

"Since, uhm, since we're out walking together and stuff, you wanna... talk?"

[Y/N] smiled, her eyes still on the ground. "Sure."

"Okay, um... what do you like to ... do for fun?"

[Y/N] laughed out loud. It was refreshing to be asked such an innocent question. She couldn't explain this to Johnny when he gave her a weird look, so she shook her head and answered the question. 

"Well, I read a lot... Oh, and I love roller skating. I love going down to the rink with friends..."

"Is it any fun?"

"Yeah, it's real fun." Her eyes lit up with a quiet excitement as she talked. Johnny noticed. Boy, was she pretty. He was admitting it to himself. She was really pretty.

"Well then... maybe I'd better try it with you sometime."

[Y/N] laughed softly. "Yeah, that would be nice.

Silence again.

Johnny watched [Y/N] as she walked. His eyes slowly traveled down her body and landed on her feet; he watched the way she walked, how she landed each step. He felt he could look at her all day...

Johnny's throat burned with all the words he wished he could say. If he was finally going to notice her beauty, maybe it was about time to realize what he felt about her.

Even knowing her for only a few weeks, he'd fallen in love with her smile, and her soft laugh, and the strand of hair that always fell in her eyes when she leaned over a math problem. With how smart she was, and how patient, and the way she stood up for what she believed in. The way she never gave up on becoming his friend, even when he thought it was weird (he was glad he'd given her a chance). He'd simply fallen in love with her.

He'd known a few girls before. Greasy girls who were loud and flirtatious and didn't care about him, not really. Snooty Socs who treated him like dirt. Never anyone like [Y/N], who'd given him a chance. He loved her.

His throat burned all the more. In a perfect world, he'd hold her in his arms and tell her how much she meant to him. But for now, he swallowed the words, trying to forget them. To forget the way he felt.

But she looked up and caught his eye and he couldn't. He just couldn't forget.

Johnny tried to open his mouth, but he couldn't find the words anymore. They were stuck inside of his throat. What was he going to say anyway? Without making everything worse?

"Johnny, are you... alright?"

He plastered a smile on his face. "Yeah, yeah, I'm..." The smile faded. "No."

[Y/N] slowed and came to an eventual halt. "What's goin' on?"

Johnny slipped his hands out of his pockets and focused on them. "I don't know how to say this, [Y/N], without making things... awkward, but I..." He shook his head. This wasn't working; she just looked concerned. 

"Tell me, Johnny."

He melted. 

"I just really like you. And I know you have a boyfriend, and I don't mean to complicate things, I just had to- to get it all out." He was growing increasingly flustered, frustrated with how the words coming out of his mouth barely did his thoughts justice. "I'm sorry if- I'm sorry, [Y/N]."

He tried to turn away, but she- she grabbed his hand. His pulse spiked- again; he didn't want her to ever let go. They could hold hands forever and kiss under the stars and- He'd never imagined kissing her before. He grew warm all over, forgetting why she'd even-

"Johnny, wait."

"Yeah?" His voice came out sounding strangled. When he looked at her, he was surprised to see a quiet pain in her eyes, coupled with a wobbly grin. What a strange combination. But it looked beautiful on her.

She slid her hand off of his and cupped his face in her palms. He could hardly breathe. What was this that she did to him? Without thinking, he placed his hands over one of hers, and she closed her eyes. 

"...Johnny, you idiot. I love you."

He made some sort of noise in the back of his throat. She felt the same way? How was this possible? He'd only wanted to let her know how he felt. He didn't think- hadn't expected-

His words tumbled out of him before he could stop them. "How? You're a- a Soc, and I'm, y'know, and you have a boyfriend, why would you ever lik- love me?" It was faster than he'd ever spoken, the most vulnerable he'd ever felt around her. She sniffled and pulled her hand out from under his, instead lacing their fingers together. Tight. Their hands dropped between them. 

Johnny ran a thumb over the top of her hand, and saw the way her breath hitched. So was it true? She really felt the same way about him? The exact same way?

For a moment, the words both of them had spoken hung suspended in the air, as if waiting for them to say more. Johnny had a million things he could say... wished he could say, but this felt like enough.

It couldn't stay like that forever, though. [Y/N]'s eyes dropped, and she gave his hand a squeeze that could mean everything or nothing before stepping away. "You're right, Johnny. I do have a boyfriend-" It seemed she spoke the word contemptuously- "and we..." Her hands flailed about as she searched for words. "I wish we could work out. Really."

Johnny nodded. "Um, I get it. Yeah. Then..."

[Y/N] slipped her arms into each other, a defensive posture. "I'm sorry, Johnny. Uhm, I need to get home."

He couldn't say anything more. "Right." They'd made their way back to the Curtis house anyway, and he couldn't bring himself to try to walk her home. "Alright, bye, [Y/N]." He felt stupid. He'd known her for two, three weeks, and he was already trying to tell her that he loved her? ...But she'd said the same. 

He was so confused. 

Then he remembered her delicate hand in his... and on his face... He smiled bitterly to himself. He had no idea what would happen to them, but he did have what little memories they'd made.