One More Chance

Chapter 3 - I Am Not Who I Used to Be Anymore

Late afternoon has always been Lena's favorite time of day. Kara had heard her say more than once how she liked that light, those shades of orange and yellow that made everything they touched prettier. Kara remembered Lena at every sunset, even in the arctic, when the sky was tinged with those colors, the memory of Lena always invaded her at times like these. That light, when it fell on her green eyes, made them even more alive, like two precious stones, two rare emeralds that shone even more when she smiled. How beautiful those eyes were. The eyes that Kara never tired of staring at... and that now she would never see again.

Two days had passed since that enormous tragedy. Two whole days without them knowing of Kara's whereabouts or hearing from her. Not even a word. Alex tried to call the communicator a few times, tried to call, knocked on her door... and nothing. Kara was unreachable, Alex had no idea where she could be. She knew Lena's death had had such a devastating effect on her sister, she wanted to be able to be by her side, give her support, a shoulder she could cry on... anything. She was really worried, even more so after hearing such dark words the night of the explosion. Her sweet, kind sister, so full of love and hope, vanished before her eyes that night, giving way to a Kara Alex had never seen. A Kara full of pain, bitterness, hatred, eyes so empty and dull in a face filled with the shadow of endless sadness.

Alex silently watched Lena's funeral, following the procession to the Luthor family mausoleum. Lena would be buried next to her father, who had died so many years ago. Alex followed in silence, a lump in her throat and thoughts far away, on Kara. She wanted so much to be with her sister in this moment of so much discouragement and sadness, to comfort that heart that she knew was broken. Kara took so long to be able to confess her love to Lena and when she did, she saw Lena leaving her life there in her arms, before her eyes. It was one of the most painful experiences Alex had ever witnessed. She saw her sister, that woman so sweet and so powerful at the same time, broken into pieces, helpless, reduced to tears at losing the person she loves. She hoped that at least Kara would show up at the funeral, to say goodbye to her great love, but she hadn't shown up yet.

Alex followed the procession behind them, taking in her surroundings. If Lex dared show up at Lena's funeral, whether out of boldness or madness, Alex would do her best to arrest him, even with Lillian and her henchmen in the procession. She had enough agents scattered all over that cemetery. Maybe that way she could stop Kara from giving herself over to the darkness that would take over her for the simple fact of taking someone's life. Even if that someone was a demon like Lex Luthor. Alex knew the weight that invades someone's soul when you take a life, and she didn't know if Kara's pure heart would survive the shadows of having someone's blood on her hands.

That's when she noticed, a little behind her, her sister's presence. Kara floated not too far away, no more than 10 or 12 meters off the ground, far enough away that no one tried to approach or talk to her. She followed with her eyes the silver coffin that sat on top of an elegantly ornate carriage drawn by a black horse, with shiny fur, black as night. Black as Lena's beautiful hair. Kara no longer wore the Supergirl outfits. She opted for an all-black outfit from neck to toe, much like the outfit of the Kryptonians who invaded National City as soon as Kara appeared as Supergirl. Kara didn't even look the same anymore, that sullen, closed look reminded Alex of Kara's encounter with the red kryptonite.

Alex stared at Kara, trying to make eye contact, but Kara had her eyes glazed over, fixed on that silver coffin that reflected the colors of that late afternoon. Her Lena was gone and she had no more will to live. And even from a distance, Alex could see the pain in Kara's eyes, the tears streaming down her face. She had the shadow of pain on her face, eyes heavy and lacking the spark of life they always had.

"Kara..." Alex tried to call out to her softly, knew she heard her. "Kara, where have you been? I was so worried about you... Come down here, let me hug you."

Kara didn't respond. She just looked at her from up there and Alex understood instantly how devastated her sister was. She knew how to read her sister's eyes and heart very well, she never needed any words to understand what was going on inside Kara's heart. Kara felt weak, destroyed, without the strength to even utter a single word.

"Kara, you don't have to go through this alone, you know I am and will always be here for you. Such great pain cannot and should not be endured alone. And even if you're Supergirl, with all the strength you've got, you don't have to bear it alone..."

"I told you there's no Supergirl anymore, Alex... I don't even know if there's any part of Kara anymore. If that demon wanted to destroy me, he did it... I'm shattered, in pieces, Alex. I'm nothing else."

Kara's eyes went back to Lena's coffin, which was now being transported inside the mausoleum. The sadness in her eyes was deep, devastating. That suffering so great had changed her face, her posture, even her voice seemed different, more hoarse, loaded with so much regret. Alex didn't know what to do anymore, didn't know when or if she would be able to recover her sister from the shadows and bitterness that now surrounded her, from the overwhelming pain that had gripped her since the loss of Lena. She didn't even know if time would be able to heal that in order to bring Kara back. Kara didn't let anyone near her, not even Alex was managing to break that distance. Proof of this was that Kara was still there, floating, far from any touch or attempt to approach.

"And what about all the people who need you, your strength, your help? You always said that was your purpose here... to help people."

"People lived their lives before there was Supergirl... they'll go on living without her. And when I get through with Lex, life will be a lot safer and smoother on this planet... they won't even miss me."

"But what about me, Kara? What about mom? We will miss you, our friends will miss you... If you kill someone, even a hateful monster like Lex, your heart will fill with darkness and you will never be the same. Your heart of gold, Kara... don't do this to you... please. It's a very heavy and dark thing to take someone's life, believe me... I know what I'm talking about."

"I'm not the same anymore... I don't have a heart anymore, Alex. My heart and my will to live is there, being buried with her... with Lena, my beautiful Lena..." Tears rolled back down Kara's face at the memory of Lena. "I'm just a crumb of what I once was, I'm just what you're seeing now... a specter... just something full of sadness and hate."

"Don't say that, Kara... I know this is all very hard, but you can't give yourself away like that."

"What I was is there in that coffin, along with her. My only purpose from now on is to send that demon Lex Luthor back to hell, where he should never have come out! And I'll do it, even if I die trying! And, well... if I die, at least I'll get out of this miserable life of being here without Lena."

"Kara, please... listen to me."

"I have nothing else to do in this life, Alex... there is no more life for me."

Without letting Alex try to say anything else, Kara turned and walked out of her sight, swift as the wind. She needed to be alone, she could no longer deal with that absurd pain that crushed her entire chest, seeing her great love being buried forever, without being able to live that great feeling that she brought within her. The pain that took Kara was cold and penetrated her chest like a dagger, and she flew as fast as she could, away from there, drying her infinite and so painful tears in the wind, as if with them she could also eliminate all that pain and the crushing despondency that mistreated her. She wished she could get rid of everything she felt right now.