̷W̷e̷.̷ 𝐈 𝐬𝐮𝐫𝐯𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 [MINSUNG] Book Two

Chapter 24

It's scary how the smallest decisions have the greatest consequences. Such as Minho's decision to silence his phone while playing video games. He didn't even know why he did it. There was no thought behind it, it just happened. And here were the consequences.

The paramedics had taken Jisung's body out of the house and into the ambulance all while Minho just sat on the floor in the hallway outside of the room. Once the ambulance sped away, Seungmin and Chan had to force everyone into their cars to drive to the hospital.

Minho had no emotion by now. He didn't understand why they were going anywhere. What for? They all knew he was dead. They all saw what happened. So why did they have to be going anywhere? Why did the paramedics move as fast as they did? It was over. There was nothing left anymore, nothing to do and nothing to be said.

It wasn't his fault, he was fully aware of that at least. But that didn't take away the guilt, because if he had just had the thought to check his phone - having known Jisung was struggling with sobriety - then maybe, just maybe, all of this could have been prevented.

Coincidence: a stupid concept. There is no such thing. Minho had no motivation for switching his phone to silent. There was no specific thing that caused him to lose the game. And there wasn't much reason to picking up his phone in the first place. There was nothing he could've done about any of it - it was the universe. The universe decided that Minho will not be around to help Jisung this time... And then also decided he would be around to see him die.

The ride behind the ambulance was extra bumpy and he couldn't understand why. There weren't any more holes than usual. Maybe it was always this dingy and he'd never noticed. But then why notice now? What a strange thing to suddenly hone in on.

Probably because there was a much more obvious, terrifying, frankly murderous thing to focus on - and he was actively avoiding it.

Why? Because if he acknowledged what had just happened, it would be all too real, and he probably wouldn't be able to handle it.

For now, he felt about as sad as he would when his favorite character in a long time running series dies. Because that's what it all felt like at that moment - a show. Or movie. Maybe a documentary about mental health awareness or some YouTube short film. Anything other than real. And he preferred it that way. If he acknowledged that he'd never hold, or hug, or kiss, or see, or smell, or taste, or hear Jisung again, he may decide to find a way around it.

He suddenly felt selfish for protecting himself like that; for blocking out Jisung's tragic death just so that he didn't end up taking the same path.

The car was so silent that it hurt his ears. His chest felt heavy under the tension. There were no tears, no sniffs and no words. Everyone was either doing the same as Minho, or doing the opposite. Neither was good. Though there wasn't exactly a third option.

There isn't a perfect way to grieve. And that was the problem. None of them saw a way past this. It was probably too early to try, but none of them could imagine a next step, or a way forward. They couldn't find themselves to believe in a life after having lost one.

Because Jisung's life wasn't only his. Jisung was more than the sentient being he never thought he was. His laugh, made them laugh; his tears, made them cry; his special traits, burned themselves into their own behaviors; his speech patterns became a familiar melody and his disheveled appearance became a welcoming portait they never wanted to stop seeing. They'd all lost a life that day.

Some thought about how his mother would react, or even where she was at the time. Others thought about how they could have done better in some way. One specific person, was trying to find someone to blame, because that way it wouldn't be Jisung's fault. And he couldn't stand the idea that any of this be put onto the boy. Should he blame Minho or himself? Of course, he was the one that handed over the role of protecting Jisung. However, Minho was the one he gave the role to. Maybe he could blame Jisung's mother, but truly she didn't seem to have been around for this specific event.