(𝐌) 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞 | 𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐞𝐳

𝟏𝟎: 𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐕𝐀𝐑

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𝐉𝐔𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐎𝐎𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐆

After Mingi's disappearance, Yunho's kind care toward me is gone. I can't say it's unfair, they have been friends for such a long time already and I am having lovesickness every two days.

I hate relationships. Or is it just Yeosang's and mine?

Many people used to talk about my unfair behavior toward Yeosang and I never knew why I was so bad. Mingi and Yunho both always ensured me that I wasn't doing anything wrong but what do they know?

I really loved Yeosang. I still like him...

Of course, there would be days when I wish for him to be more comfortable and confident around me, giving me the same amount of attention I give him. I surely can lead but... I also wanted to be cared for and loved for, always.

Often I thought about breaking up with him but I couldn't, after long thinking I always realized there was no real reason. And it hurts, it hurts to be without him.

No matter how I had felt, I knew I could always go to Yeosang. He's funny sometimes, not the best listener but definitely pleasant to hang out with. 

I wished he would've been more honest with me. I can tell he hates my friend group, not necessarily Mingi and Yunho but the way they affect me in different areas. Skipping school, smoking, and all the fun shit. And, even though I knew, he thought like this, he'd never say anything.

He didn't care about me failing life, no, it was the fact he didn't want failures in his life.

How can someone as perfect as Yeosang have someone like Wooyoung, a side chick, messed up, loud, careless, and way too kinky??

People would often talk about how I cheated with San, never saying a word about Yeosang's doings with Seoho. San was a longtime crush of mine but after Mingi went for him, it was too late. In my eyes, he'd be perfect for me but I don't think I'd be perfect for him.

I'd fall in love immediately.

We both never did more than a few verbal exchanges, no touching, nothing else. Cheating was never an option.

It breaks my heart.

Yeosang is ignoring me. Yeosang hates the sight of me, he despises me. He doesn't look at me nor talk about me. I don't exist, I am an illusion. And it hurts so bad because I keep thinking about our memories which are so unforgettable and beautiful.

Tears are falling over my face again as I watch videos of us, taken by Mingi. Last year, summer. We were in a park, Yeosang and I fighting for fun, him tackling me down. Yunho is heard in the background 'fight back, Wooyoung!', Mingi laughing behind the camera. 

I watch how I pull Yeosang on me and kiss him, us both making out until a load of water is spilled over us, San smirking down at us with an empty bottle in his hand as we scream.