Ashton's POV
"Where's my Giraffe?" I slur. These sleeping meds are hitting hard but they aren't making me tired. I feel luke get into my bunk with me I place my head in his lap and he starts to rub my back, I know I'm talking but I don't know what I'm saying at this point. He's talking back but I don't know what he's saying. I'm locked into my own head.
You should have taken the whole bottle while you had the chance ASHTON
I can hear the voices loud and clear right now. They are building and building in my mind. I look up at luke . His hair is messy and he has his nirvana sweatshirt on. Without realizing it I'm tracing the smily face logo on it. Why am I so weird?
"Having fun there buddy?" He ask.
"Yesterday." I respond
"Yesterday? I'll take that as a yes." He laughs as he runs his hand through my hair
"I'm hunter." I say. Why can't I get my words out right.
"Hungry?" He questions
I just shake my head yes he climbs outta bed before me I tried to follow suit but In the process I hit the ground, I reach up to touch my face, tears? Why am I crying? I shouldn't be crying. Boys don't cry. He's staring, he's speaking, I don't I understand what he's saying, I'm terrified, everything feels so far away. It's like a glass wall between me and everyone.
Push him away. Fight. Go into the bathroom and drown.
I just reach my arms up, shaking the thoughts from my head. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around him and place my head in the crook of his neck. We end up in the kitchen and he sets me down on the couch. I watch him walk over to the kitchen and start making something. I understand him and the boys are talking
"Ashton's .......pretty......out....guys." He says to the other boys that's all I managed to make out from what he was saying. Calum looks at me. He seems disgusting with me.
"I'm sorry."
"Why are you sorry ash?" Cal ask as he stands up to join luke
"Because...Because.....I am gone?" I say not understanding a thing. I feel a plate being set in my lap. I look down to see a grilled cheese, oh god I'm gonna vomit, I stand up knocking it outta my lap and run back towards the bathroom. I barley make it back there. Nothings in my system, nothing comes out, it hurts. I look up to see all three of them staring at me. They are all talking. I can't understand them. I'm getting bits and pieces but nothing is making any sense.
"Toaster?" I question. Definitely not the right word but the boys erupt with laughter, luke sits down next to me in the tiny bathroom. He's saying something to the other two. I wonder what. I push myself off of the ground. Shower seems nice. I start to take my clothes off. Forgetting the boys are right there.
"Ashton....the...hell?" I hear from one of them, I sit down inside of the shower, I look up to see luke turning the water the faucet on. The water is warm. I am so warm right now.
Take whosoever razor that is and cut yourself
My eyes staring at the razor. I turn my gaze to him and start to stare at him, his eyes are so warm and welcoming. I still have my underwear on? I look down, yes I do.
"Am i a penguins?" I mutter
"No your Ashton." I hear him say.
" I'm done" I say as I stand up. He's staring at me. And I fat? I look down at my thighs, Huge. Huge. Huge. Is all that's running through my head. I just wanna be skinny. I don't wanna be fat.
Starve yourself , do it. Fatty.
"Why are you crying?" Luke laughs, "there's nothing to be upset over." He says as he hold the towel out for me.
"I'm gross." I mutter
"Your not gross ash, I promise, your just a little outta it." He says to me. We walk back out to the bunk area. He picks up some of my sweatpants from my suitcase and grabs one of his hoodies from his. He helps me put on the hoodie and then turns around for me to put the pants on. I take off my boxers and slide them on. They feel kinda tight in the waist. I'm so disgusting. I set the wet boxers on the ground next to my stuff. I feel arms around my waist. I'm being picked up? I wrap my legs around him and enjoy the ride. We end up at the front of the bus again. Everyone is in here. He sets me on the couch next to cal.
"Movie?" I slur out.
Luke comes and sits on the other side of me. I can feel the medication slowly losing its effect.
"What do y'all wanna watch?" Cal ask as he scrolls through Netflix
I lean into Luke's body, enjoying the scent of him.
"You smell nice." I say. Why did I say that out loud? What the heck. He's giving he a weird look now. I put my head in his lap and lay my legs across Calum. I turn into Luke's body, laying still. My eyes are now heavy. Finally I'm sleepy.
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Luke's POV
"I think he's finally out." I whisper to Cal
"Thank goodness, When he got into the shower with underwear on I almost lost it laughing." He whispered back. I look down. He's out cold. His mouth is open and you can hear the snores.
I pick his head up from my lap and set it down back on the couch and make my way back into the bathroom. I lock the door behind me. I open up the cabinet and take out my toiletries bag, behind mine I see a small container that I've never seen before, I open it. Inside there's two razor blades.....why are there loose razor blades in the cabinet? I take the container with me, leaving my bag on top of the sink and walk into the bunk area to my luggage. I hide it in the front pocket of it and walk into the living room again. Ashton's still sleeping.
"I think it's time to get him into bed." I say as I pick his body up. I make our way back into the bunk area and lay him in his bed. I need to know if he's clean. He has been for years, they could just be replacements for someone's shaving tool. I pull down the side of his sweatpants a bit making sure I don't expose him. I only see old scars. I feel kinda bad for not trusting him but its for his own good. I pull it back up and crawl into my own bunk. By this time it's around by this time it's only 1 o'clock the day is still going and we still have two days of him being drugged.
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Our Sun And Moon//lashton
FanfictionCURRENTLY WRITING "We are meant to be, like the sun and moon."
