how you get the boy ✧ jaywon

001

this chapter's song:
train wreck james arthur

To say Jungwon was in extricating pain was an understatement. To say he was okay was an overstatement. He had spent the whole summer doing absolutely nothing but grieving his father's death— even though it has already been almost a year.

And there isn't an expiration date for when you're supposed to be okay with the fact that your dad is just gone. There isn't an expiration date for when you should stop grieving and missing someone who doesn't exist anymore. Jungwon wished there was.

There are less than a handful of things in this shitty world that made Jungwon genuinely happy: his mom (most times), his dog (all the time), his art, and rainy days. That was it.

He used to add his dad to the list but again, he's gone now. His dad wasn't here to make him happy anymore.

Depressing, he knew. And— he wasn't always like this. He used to be someone with goals and aspirations. Someone who looked forward to his future and he almost always did everything with a smile on his face. He used to. He despised when people would ask if he was okay but did not really mean it. Despised when people would ask what happened to him— that he used to be such a wonderful, bright kid. Honestly, he didn't know either.

"Are you excited for today?"

"I'm thrilled. Excited would be an understatement." Jungwon replied sarcastically, leaning back in his seat.

"Well, the negativity certainly won't help."

"Because school is so fun and exciting." He pushed back his half eaten bowl of cereal to the center of the table.

His mother huffed out a sigh. "Sweetie, you're a junior now. I just want you to have a fulfilling high school experience you can look back on." She turned around to put his bowl in the sink. "You know, when I was in high school—"

"Mom, I know. You were popular, smart, and had a perfect boyfriend who you ended up getting married to." Jungwon said, his mother pausing.

He sat up when he noticed the change in his mother's body language— knowing she disliked talking about her deceased husband.

"I just want you to have fun."

"I have fun on my own."

"I know you do. I'm just saying, maybe this year you could find some friends or even a nice girl—"

Jungwon looked away, eyes shutting for a moment. "I don't need friends and I certainly don't need a nice girl or— a girl at all."

He knew his mother was just trying to help and be positive for him. He knew that seeing him this way was probably intolerable for her. But— it's not like he could help it.

"Okay."

Jungwon fiddled with his thumb, picking at the hangnail on his pointer finger. A bad habit of his. He stopped when he could feel his finger pulsing.

He liked the feeling.

His mother gave him a soft smile and caressed his cheek with her thumb. "Well, I'm heading out for work. You should start heading out soon too—don't want you to be late on your first day back."