CANCER - From the Outside Looking in

THE DIAGNOSIS - Chapter 3

The nightmare had now officially started. It was time to let friends and family know what was happening. I called my long-time friend Debbie.

"Hello, my friend, how are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm good, my friend, how are you keeping?" she replied.

"I'm okay but Steven isn't. He's just found out that he has cancer."

"What?" she asked with absolute shock. "Are you sure? How did you find out?"

He went to Doctor Van Wyk earlier this week and they did blood tests on him because he's been sick with a stomach bug and today, he went for a sonar and it showed the cancer in his abdomen. He is going to the hospital on Monday morning for a biopsy then we will know for definite.

She said: "I cant believe this. Remember, the psychic we went to two weeks ago told me that I would hear about someone who has cancer and we assumed it was Linda and Gregs little girl which I had already been told about. I cant believe that she was actually referring to Steven."

"Dont worry I was just as shocked. How come she didnt tell me anything about it?" I replied

Maybe she didnt want to scare you or give you such bad news.

I understand that but when she told us about our marriages, she said that you and Hendry would be together until death parts you. However, Steven and I would get divorced. How can we get divorced if he has cancer? Its just not making any sense right now. Actually, nothing is making much sense to me right now.

"I can only imagine what you must be thinking. It really has come as a shock. If you need anything or just want to talk you know where to find me." She told me

"Thanks, my friend, I appreciate that and your friendship. I better go, I must still phone everybody else and I'm not looking forward to that."

"I'm sure. You take care and good luck. Let me know on Monday what the doctor says."

"Okay I will. Thanks again. Goodbye my friend."

"Goodbye."

I sat on that phone for ages calling other friends and my family, getting basically the same response from all of them. SHOCK. They were all very polite in offering help if it was needed and my mom and dad told me not to hesitate if I needed them to help out with the boys. I asked if they could fetch the boys from school Monday afternoon which they agreed to and said they would take them home with them. I could either pick them up after the hospital or they could sleep at their house. We would see how things developed on Monday. When I had spoken to my dad, he said that he would send the message out at church to pray for Steven not to have any pain and that he wouldnt suffer too much. I said that I would do the same and ask our friends to do likewise.

The only people I had not contacted were Steven's parents. This wasn't strange because I had not spoken to them in six years. I went to Steven to ask what he planned to do.

"Are you going to phone your parents and let them know you have cancer?" I asked.

"No. I will phone them on Monday after the biopsy."

"I don't think thats a good idea. Don't you think they have a right to know?"

"I rather tell them once I know for definite."

"That's all good and well but what if something goes wrong on Monday and you die, then I must phone them and tell them that you had cancer and now you're dead. They will be angry that they weren't told sooner, and I will get the blame."

"I don't want to talk to them. You phone them."

"Okay I will, just give me their number."

I phoned and pa answered the phone.

"Hello pa, its Ingrid. How are you?"

"I'm okay," he replied.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you this but Ive got bad news for you. Steven has cancer. He didnt want to tell you. He is going for a biopsy on Monday. He only wanted to tell you on Monday after the biopsy, but I said you have the right to know now, after all he is your son and I didnt want to have to tell you after the operation if anything went wrong."

"Thanks for letting us know," he replied

"I dont know if you want to come over this week-end sometime to see him."

"We will try come and see him on Sunday. I will tell ma. Goodbye."

Bye pa.

I went and told Steven that I had spoken to his dad and that he was very grateful for me letting them know and that he would tell ma the news.

               ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

Now came the most difficult one of all. I had to tell the boys what was going on, so I called them to come and sit with me in the lounge. We sat on the couch with one of them on either side of me.

"Guys I have to talk to you about your father."

"What about him?" Travis asked.

"You know he has been sick," I sai

:Yes." They both replied.

"Well, the doctors have found out that he is actually very sick. He has cancer and he could die."

"But he doesnt look very sick;" said Travis.

"I know he doesnt, but the doctors have said that he is. The chances are that he will get worse. I must take him to the hospital on Monday and they are going to do a small operation to find out just how sick he is."

"Okay;" said Travis.

Sheldon just sat there in silence. I dont think he understood the magnitude of what I was telling them.

"Guys, do you understand that your dad can die from this."

Again, they both said,"Yes"

"Okay guys you can go play now.:

I honestly didnt think that they really understood but I had done the right thing in telling them. Now we could get through this together and I would get them psychological help as well, to deal with the whole thing.

               ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

I spent the weekend trying to be normal and not worry about what was ahead of us. I doubt that Steven was able to do the same, but I wouldnt know as he was not the type of person that would talk about his personal stuff. His opinion had always been you dont discuss personal issues or feelings; you deal with them by yourself.

On Sunday some family and friends came over for moral support and to see Steven. His parents arrived Sunday afternoon. I greeted them politely and left them in private with Steven. I had not seen them or spoken to them in such a long time that it made it a little awkward for me, but I wouldnt interfere with what was right. I knew that if the roles were reversed, I would want my parents around to comfort and help me.

Later that afternoon Stevens mom came to sit by the kitchen counter to talk to me.

"I didnt know how pa and I would be accepted coming here but I told pa that I dont care I need to see my son." She said to me.

"I know that ma. That is why I phoned you guys on Friday and told you what was happening. I knew that it was only right that you know, and I would never stop you from seeing your son.:

"Will you call us on Monday after the operation and let us know what the doctor says?" She asked

"Yes, I will if Steven doesn't phone himself."

"Thank-you." She said.