You And Me || Kuroken

•5• Kenma

It was the day of the party. I felt like shit as every inch of my body stung and ached. I stood up hearing a susurrus of voices coming from downstairs. Just then, everything goes quiet and I hear my mom yell. "Sweetie! I'm going now come and say goodbye!"

I groan as I lift myself out of bed. I quickly brush my hair with my fingers and go downstairs. I hug my parents, the pressure on my forearms making me want to scream out in pain, but I smiled anyway. "Mrs and Mr Kuroo will be here around seven to start setting up. Make sure you are polite and offer them a drink!" Said mom as she left, suitcase in hand. I nodded at her. As soon as they both left I went upstairs. I dont want to see kuroo today, I don't think I can handle it. He probably doesn't even care, either that or he's incredibly angry and I don't want either of those options.

I have a shower and change my bandages to clean ones. I glance at the old razor and the red stains around the sink. I throw it in the bin, wiping down the counter, avoiding the mirror. I felt disgusting, like a horrible human being. I couldn't bare to look myself in the eye.

I spent the next three hours cleaning and packing up the stuff I'm taking to college. My new clothes, my bedding, my books, anything I could find that would take my mind off the massacre on my arm. It hurt so much more than I thought it would.

I heard a knock. I'm not expecting anyone except Kuroo's family. I glanced at the clock, it's only six. I walk downstairs and I open the door, it's Akaashi. I smile slightly at him. He's probably the only one I'm okay with talking to right now, he's my best friend and he understands. I invited him in and made us both a cup of tea.

"Bokuto told me about what happened... But I only heard Kuroo's side of the story, and I want to hear yours before I make any assumptions." He said. Akaashi has always been the peacemaker. He's most of the time neutral and isn't prone to conflict like I am. "..I'm not gonna lie to you, Keiji, I'm not in the best mental place right now." I paused. "Kuroo and I always fall asleep on call together. We have every single night since he left for university and it's probably the only thing keeping me going. This week he has been avoiding me though and we haven't called once or even talked at all. I got really angry because he said I was stressing him out.. Its really stupid but I escalated things for no reason and now I don't want to call him because I'm scared he'll be mad." I said, sipping my tea as I avoided eye contact with the other.

"Hmm.." he looked deep in thought, like a philosopher debating the meaning of existence itself.
"Why? What did kuroo say?" I blurted out in a panicked tone.
"Bokuto said he left the party after the call, and apparently he felt really bad because. He was crying."
The room went silent, yet the silence felt like a violent scream in my ears.
"Oh" was all I could manage to get out.
"I think you should talk to him, he's definitely not angry. He seems more upset. Did you two just argue or was there more? Bokuto said he didn't want to gossip so he just told me the gist of it." Keiji was so calm and rational, it made my paranoia feel less rational and more like something I built up in my head. This feels like a therapy session.
"We broke up.. I think. He said he was done and then I threw my phone access the room and I haven't looked at it since" I admitted shamefully. I should probably look at my phone to be honest, I normally check it first thing in the morning.
"You broke up?" He seemed genuinely shocked as his tone was raised a little. He composed himself, back into therapist mode. "Well.. that's.. a shock, certainly. I think you two should talk it out. At your party tonight. Me and bokuto will be there if you need it." I nodded. We chatted about things in general for a while until he realised he had to get going. As he left, the Kuroo's arrived. I offered them a drink but they denied. Kuroo kept to himself, not making eye contact. I felt sick again, a feeling of dread rising up in me. I ignored it, pushing it down and down and down till I forgot about it.

I went to the kitchen to grab the decorations my parents bought. It read "congratulations!" In big, vibrant, clinquant writing in all the colours of the rainbow. I bring it into the living room and Kuroo helps me hang it up, not saying a single word. Am I dead? Is this hell?

Kuroo's mom brings out a bottle of wine. They know full well it's most likely not my first time drinking alcohol but it's my first legal time and they think that's something to celebrate? I'm not sure why, Kuroo's family has always been a little strange. She set it out on the table along with a bottle of vodka, I recognised it as the same bottle my mom bought them for their anniversary. Adults are so weird. She also set out a box on the table. Blue shiny wrapping paper with creepers on it (obviously meant for a child but i still like it) and a big yellow bow on the top. We hung up some streamers and bunting and a disco ball. I think it was a bit over the top but Mrs kuroo insisted. "You only turn 18 once, ken!" She would say, a bright smile on her face, as if theres nothing wrong at all. I long for that kind of happiness.

"Ahh I'm so excited! The party starts soon though, so we'll be leaving. Tetsurou, look after Kenma, won't you?" She said, her arms locked with Mr Kuroo's. Sometimes I feel like she cares about me more than my own mother does. Kuroo nodded. "Thank you Mrs kuroo, but I'm sure I'll be fine. You two have fun" I gave them a small smile as they left.

Kuroo was slumped down in his seat on his phone, ignoring me. I decided to go upstairs and change out of my pajamas for the party. I was still only in a sweatshirt and tracksuit bottoms.

I look through my closet, half of them being Kuroo's and not even my own. I put on one of the new hoodies I got, the one of Kuroo's volleyball team. I know it's cringey but I doubt he'll notice, hes avoiding me at all costs and doesn't seem eager to stop. I put on a pair of plain jeans to go with it.

I walk down the stairs as I hear the music blaring, just random things from the top 50 I assume. There's already loads of familiar faces from school and from volleyball. I see kuroo talking to Bokuto, and Akaashi pouring himself a cup of wine. He's not eighteen till November but I guess I'll let it slide. I walk up to him. "Don't tell my parents" he gives me a glare, I chuckle. "Don't worry, I wouldn't dare cross you, keiji." He grins briefly before taking a small sip. "Did you talk to Kuroo yet?" He asked. I mentally sighed, he's the last thing I want to think about but he's the only thing on my mind. "No. But I'm gonna do it soon." I say, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Akaashi nodded. "You should do it now"
"What? No"
"Yes, go. You'll wanna do it soon he's playing a drinking game with Bokuto."
"Maybe that wines making you a little too confident, keiji" I rolled my eyes.

I found a circle of people in the crowd of people with a bunch of shots laid out in the middle. I sit in-between Daichi and Nishinoya. I infer that they are playing truth or drink as I watch them all play. "Kenma" Oikawa says, turning to me with a smirk on his face. "Have you ever gone skinny dipping"
My face heats up as me and kuroo make awkward eye contact for a second. I take a shot. "Damn Ken thought you was gonna be more fun then that" he sarcastically rolled his eyes. It was my turn.

"Bokuto. Who was your first kiss with?" I said. It was a bit boring but I felt awkward asking a really personal question. "Hmm... I think it was with Akaashi, actually. When we were in elementary school I kissed him as a joke. I guess it was fate." He gave a big goofy grin, Kuroo playfully shoved him "you're such a sap."

After a while the group diffused around the room and we all stopped playing. I decided now was the time to talk to Kuroo.