You And Me || Kuroken

•11•

I walked down to class. My course only needs 3 classes but the school encouraged me to do a different class because of my grades. I chose chemistry, because that's what I was best at. And Kuroo is also in this class.

I slumped in my seat next to him. "It's chemistry not public speaking kenma, don't be so dramatic" he said, rolling his eyes sarcastically. " I didn't even want to take this, stupid teacher made me" I huffed, opening my laptop on the table. I look over at kuroo, his notebook adorned with messy scribbles that could be mistaken for words if you squint a little.

As I open a word doc for my notes, the professor starts clearing his throat incredibly loudly. The room goes silent almost immediately, the atmosphere thick as wood. Kuroo listens attentively, jotting down notes faster than anyone else. I write down anything that seems specifically important, but definitely not as much as Kuroo. The professor was an old man in a tweed jacket who looks like he was old enough to be speaking from memory when he talks about the discovery of the first elements. His sat in his chair, talking in his monotone voice as he flicked through the slides.

Under the table, I feel Kuroo's hand entwine itself with mine. My cheeks flush pink as I try to focus on my classwork. I may hate science, but I still want to pass. I jot down quotes from sources, quotes from the professor, formulae, basically anything he said at this point because I was on my first page and Kuroo was on his third, so I felt behind. At the end, he set an assignment for us all about something or other. I'll just get kuroo to help me because at this point I'm so bored out of my mind that I couldn't focus if I tried.

•| ten hours later|•

1 : 4 5 a m

Kuroo bursts into the room, the stench of beer and cigarettes filling the room. I look up from my classwork. "H... Hi kittennnn" he smiled drunkenly, climbing into my bed. I froze a bit, I didn't know what to do at all. He gave me a kiss that tasted horrible. Like puke. I pulled away.
"How much have you had?"
"Just.. a few ... Uhh I think.. 20 shots. I won a bet though..!" He started kissing my neck, but I pushed him off. "Holy shit that's a lot, are you okay?"
"My head realllyyyy hurts. But that's only because of the wine I had, I had a wholeeee bottle." He giggled, thinking it was the most hilarious thing in the world. "Kuroo it's not funny. You could get alcohol poisoning." I said, worry in my voice as I stated at his eyes. They looked blank, we were making eye contact but he was still in his own little world. "I'll be fine kitten." He stood up woozily, tripping and falling.  I jolted up in alarm, watching him carefully for the few milliseconds before he dropped onto the floor, banging his head on my desk as he did so.

Springing into action, I take out my phone and call an ambulance, kneeling down next to his unconscious body. They took longer to arrive than they should have, but it's a busy area round here so they must be busy.

He is taken to the hospital. Just as I suspected, he had severe alcohol poisoning. He was taken into the emergency room. I had to sit outside in the waiting area. Nervously, I tapped my foot against the ground thinking of what would happen. I'd learnt about the effects of alcohol poisoning in school, but they didn't go into much detail so I googled it.

Liver failure..
Heart failure..
Brain damage..
Loss of sight..

Lists of negative outcomes sat before me as I tried my best to keep the tears in my eyes. None of this was good, and his case was severe so he most likely wasn't going to get off well. I run to the bathroom, my breathing speeding up as I rush into a stall. I sit down, feeling sick to my stomach as I open my voicemails.

"Hey, uh kenma... I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that shit uh.. I'm really drunk right now, so I'll message you tomorrow. This is just a goodnight message so I just wanted to say I love you more than life itself. Uhm.. bye"

I play it again. And again. And again until my heart rate slows down and I can't breath once again. Just the sound of his voice makes me feel so much better. Just knowing that he loves me, unconditionally even when we weren't on speaking terms. I couldn't ask for anything better.

I sit back into the room, finally calmer as I play the voicemail in my airpods.

It'll be okay
He'll be fine
He's gonna go back to his usual, charming self tomorrow, I know it.

I told myself words of encouragement, repeating them in my head.

"Is there a Kozume Kenma here?" The nurse called out, I stood up, following her to a checkup room. Why wasn't she taking me to Kuroo? She sat down in front of me, looking awkward as ever with her clipboard. She skimmed the words.

"Are you his friend?" She asked sorrowfully. I prepared myself for the worst as I tensed up.
"He was my partner" I answer her question.
"Ah... I'm so sorry to tell you this, but the amount of alcohol he had caused him to have a heart attack. He didn't survive."

He didn't survive

That phrase rang in my head like Sunday church bells.

"What?" I say, tears falling down my face that I didn't even know I was keeping in.
"You can come see him if you would like, say your goodbyes." She offered, standing up and motioning to the door behind her. I nodded, walking through as I choked on my own sobs. I tried to remain silent. As I walked in, the room was silent. Still. You could here the buzzing of the machines as they hung everywhere. A nurse carried the defibrillator out the room. My eyes finally landed on Kuroo.

Lifelessly, he sat on the medical table. No joy, no smirk, no jokes or remarks. It was barely him. I knelt down next to the bed, holding his hand as I kissed his knuckles.
"Please kuroo. Wake up, tell me it's not real. It's a joke. A prank, please wake up" the tears rolled down my cheeks, soaking the bedding as I whispered words of love.

My chest felt empty. It was my fault. It had been almost every day for three weeks at that point he has gone out and I was too caught up in my own shit to realize. I could have stopped him, he always listens to me. All it takes is for me to complain about being lonely and he'll stay the night. Not anymore though.

It's all my fault.

I should have paid more attention.

I should have been more loving

I think of all the things we will never have. Marriage, a house and kids, I'll never get to see him graduate, he won't be there to see me get my degree. No more night time cuddles or stories, no more kisses when I'm lonely, no more snarky remarks when I need help on my exams. God I'll miss him so much. I'll never have any of that.

Honestly, I did this to myself.

Kuroo's mom ran in. She only lived five minutes from here so she must have gotten the call almost immediately. She was screaming, clutching onto his body as if her life depended on it.

His life depended on me, I wasn't reliable enough.

She sobbed, tears rolling down her face as she screamed and screamed about how he was too young, he had so much to live for, so much potential. My heart hurt.

Not as much as his must have.

I can't shake the negative thoughts. I just end up crying harder as I hold onto him, whispering about how much I loved him and how much he meant to me.