You And Me || Kuroken

•12•

"Hey, uh kenma... I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have said that shit uh.. I'm really drunk right now, so I'll message you tomorrow. This is just a goodnight message so I just wanted to say I love you more than life itself. Uhm.. bye"

I've memorised those words at this point. They were engraved in my brain. Every slurred word, every pause of silence, the way the words flow out with his deep, yet charming voice.

It had been two days, they wanted the funeral to be soon because his grandparents were already in town until the Wednesday. I wore a suit, a new one Mrs Kuroo picked out for me. Before we left, me and bokuto were helping clear out Kuroo's things from his dormitory. I rummaged through his drawer, throwing away old sticky notes and useless junk that he just never got around to throwing away.

My head pounded, Id spent six hours crying last night and I was facing the consequences. Bokuto and Akaashi packed his books and bedding in near boxes to be kept in Kuroo's parents' house.

I looked at the clock, we had to be there in an hour so we all decided to set off now. I got in the car, my head somewhere else as my muscle memory drove for me. I felt like I was on autopilot, however I tried to ground myself, I wanted to be as focused as possible for this.

Kuroo's family wasnt religious, so they didn't have it in a church. Instead they had it in town hall. First we did speeches. Kuroo's parents' told stories of his childhood, Bokuto told stories of volleyball and how close they were, and their friendship. Finally, after about four people, it was my turn. I was the final speaker. I looked over the crowd, not a single person wasn't crying.

"Tetsurou was the love of my life" I started, tears already welling up as I became more and more tense. "We spent most of our days together. We basically lived together throughout my short time at college with him. I remember when we were little, in elementary. He was always there for me. When I didn't understand, or I was anxious, he was always there. He was the.." I choked on my tears, rubbing them away as they fell. " He was the most reliable person in my life, he was a constant, someone who I could always have with me. I had hoped he would always be with me two, we often talked about our future. Marriage, jobs, houses, the works. It kills me that I can never have that with him. It kills me that I'll never hear his sweet voice, his calming hugs, his jokes, his sarcasm, everything. He was the light of my life and I want to show him my love as much as I can, even after his death. He will not be forgotten."

My mom wrapped her arms around me as I sobbed into my arms, staining my shirt. He was gone, forever. Never to return. I still can't help but blame myself. My mom led me off the stage and sat down with me. Mr and Mrs kuroo, with tears in their eyes, thanked the speakers and announced that people could now say their final goodbyes before we buried him.

A long line of people stood before me, as expected from such a socialite. He always managed to befriend everyone he talked to. My knees felt weak as the line got shorter and shorter, my stomach screamed at me to puke, but I held it all in. I could hear my heart pounding as I stood up to see him.

He was so silent, something I'd never seen in him before. No smile at all. A straight face. He wore a black shirt with a red tie. Around him, he had his third year volleyball jersey and two pictures. One of me and him on his highschool graduation and one of him and his parents. I studied the graduation photo, the way his lips smiled and the way the fabric draped off him to naturally. The way his eyes sparkled as he held my hand. I remember feeling so embarrassed that day, I wish I had treasured the time more. "I'm going to miss you so much. I'm sorry I didn't say I love you enough..." I paused for a second "I love you more than anyone, or anything."

At the burial, we each got a turn throwing dirt in the grave. The fact that he had a grave at all was destroying me. He didn't deserve this. He was too young. After I put the dirt in, I felt a sudden pang of pain in my chest. My breathing sped up and my eyesight went foggy, Mrs kuroo took me aside, holding me as I sobbed.
"He's gone" I said through cries.
"I know sweetheart, I know. You still have me, you're welcome to come visit any time you want okay? You're still family in my eyes." Her words were comforting, just like his. I calmed down slightly. I guess it just took a while for it to sink in.

He's never coming back.

•|t h a t   n i g h t|•

I was in Kuroo's dorm, once again cleaning out his stuff. I went through his beside drawer this time. When I opened the wooden drawer, I saw something that caught my eye. A little velvety black box and a letter attached to it. The letter had my name on the envelope.

I grabbed out the two items, reading the letter first.

Dear kenma,

I am writing this in advance so I apologise if it seems out of date. You are the most important person in my life, I don't know what u would do without you. You are the reason I get up and the reason I live. You have been so kind, and loving and amazing to me and I could never repay you fairly even with all the riches in the world. Words could not describe the feeling of joy you give me. I give you what's in this box because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to hold you and kiss you and grow old with you till were cute little wrinkly old people. I hope you return my feelings, and if not I will still love you, till death pulls us apart and even after that.

You are the light of my life, I don't want to spend another minute without you. That's why I'm writing this letter, I want each word to be perfect instead of going off by heart and messing it up. So kenma kozume...

Will you marry me?

I stare at the words on the pages in shock, I open the box to find a diamond ring staring back at me. Tears fall on the page as I clutch the little velvet box to my chest as I start to ugly cry. Bokuto turns to me. "He hey hey, kenma, bro, what's up?" The concern in his voice getting more apparent as the words came out. I shakily showed him the box, he skimmed the letter as he pulled me into a tight hug.