You And Me || Kuroken

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HEAVY TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDE AND SH ON THIS CHAPTER, HOWEVER IT IS A SIGNIFICANT PART IN THE STORY.

O c t o b e r   18 t h

T h e  y e a r  b e f o r e

"Kenma honey?"

"Yeah mom?"

"I have some bad news. You're mother, the other one I mean. She was.." she started tearing up, choking on her own words.

"She was killed on her way back from work. Apparently it was an aggravated assault but the police suspect it was a hate crime"

I can't believe it.

She's gone.

I loved my moms. Both of them. My stepdad is okay but he'll never replace her. She taught me it's okay to love myself. Now she's gone I'm questioning whether it's still okay.

My thoughts raced like cars through my mind, my chest felt as if it was going to implode. Why why why what the fuck did I do to deserve this?
I down antidepressants like it's water, but there's no going back now as I realise the dangers of my actions.

Im gonna be with her soon I reassured myself.

My breathing sped up as I started hyperventilating. I miss her. I miss her so much. I feel like my head is being stamped on as tears rush down my face. I look at the red liquid seeping through the sleeves of my school shirt. It stings so fucking much.

The empty packets of painkillers on the floor stare back at me in judgement. I don't even know why I'm doing this. Im just not strong enough for this feeling, the feeling of never seeing my mother again, never hugging her or having lunch with her or hearing her voice as she comforts me when I'm sad or upset or even happy. I breath in deeply.

Maybe this is a good thing, what's life if I can't have happiness?

My eyes feel heavy, I close them. I can here only faintly and a ringing sound fills my ears as I pass out, the last thing I hear being my stepdad rush into the room, screaming for my mom.

•| l a t e r |•

I wake up in the hospital, kuroo holding my hand as he whispers apologies and words of love under his breath. I watch the tears roll down his cheeks onto the bed. "Kuroo?"
His head perked up. I noticed how red his eyes were, he looked awful.
"I'm sorry" he says "I'm sorry I wasn't there. I should've been. I know you messaged me but I had my phone on silent. I'm so so so sorry i-"
"It's okay, Hun. It's not your fault. How long was I asleep."
"Two days" he says, holding onto my hand as if I'd drop dead the second he let go. I held him close as he planted kisses all over his face. He called my mom and my stepdad in to see me.

As usual, I was bombarded with questions.
"Why did you do that?"
"Why would you scare me like that?"
"Why didnt you talk to me?"
I didn't have time to answer them all before she pulled me into a hug that felt like it was going to crush all my bones. My stepdad just awkwardly stood there. He has never been big on hugging. Or talking.

I still feel so horrible. When I woke up, as shitty as it sounds, I was disappointed that I was alive.