𝙙𝙧𝙪𝙜𝙨 ; SHINDEKU

𝟏𝟕

The warm water caressed my body soothingly, as I looked down at him. He stood against me, his curls sopping wet and stuck to his skin as his eyes stared up at me.

I knew not his intentions, but I knew everything I needed to know right now.

He spoke in circles the majority of the time, especially when he was seriously talking. Now, however, he was making cohesive sentences, he meant what he was saying, because I could feel it as his eyes locked on mine.

"You don't understand..." His voice echoed throughout my head, confusing me, but also intriguing me.

"I want to be around you-" It seemed to click, but also too good of him to be true.

"I need to be around you, Hitoshi, you don't understand."

I stood there as the sound of the water hitting the fiberglass filled my senses. His voice meant everything to me right now.

Tuning into his words, I listened to every word.

"Give me a chance."

"I don't have to." I said, pushing through my trance.

"What do you mean?" He asked, staring up at me, eyes big, brows furrowed in confusion.

I leaned down gently, our eyes now level with each other's.

"I've been waiting so long for you." I said quietly. His eyes looked into mine, desperately searching for his answer. My hand laid against his cheek, my fingers slightly grazing against his jaw and neck as a brief silence blanketed us.

"I've been waiting for you." I repeated. "I don't need to give you a chance, when you already have it."

His lips parted gently, as he looked at me, his pupils dilating in the dim bathroom light. The warmth of the shower was particularly cold compared to his body warmth.

"Ever since high school-" I began. Both our bodies slumped against each other, mine against the wall, sliding down to sit on the tile beneath. Our bodies still attached by our fingertips, sitting on the cold ceramic flooring of the tub together.

"I saw you, and I felt off." I explained. "I never told you, because I couldn't, I didn't want to cause more problems for you, for myself, but I wanted to be in your life still. So I watched from afar as you smiled and laughed. All those parties and all those drinks and drugs, it doesn't mean anything to me, if you're not there."

I felt a different warmth on my hand now, the warmth of tears sliding down my cheek and his own, ending its trail on my thumb as I rubbed it against his cheek.

"I was a bad friend, though." I said, trying my best to continue eye contact, trying to explain to him. "I let you destroy yourself. I let you do things you shouldn't have, and then I pretended like you wanted to be around me. I let you stay here, whenever you needed. I needed to see you anytime I could, just to know I was hurting for the better."

He looked at me, his eyes glassy and tear-filled to the brim, lip quivering and face contorted in a sobbing manner as he gazed. "I did want to be around you." His voice broke as his words fell out.

"I wanted to be around you, all the time, all the parties, all the late nights, everything, I wanted it, because you were there. Even when you and Kaminari were dating, I still wanted to be around you. I wanted to say I wasn't jealous, but I was, and I didn't know why-" He sobbed, his forehead falling against my shoulder as he let himself go.

I wrapped my arms around him, closing any gaps between us as he cried, and I stared at the curls on his head, still matted with water.

I felt safe, a little too safe, with him.

"Do I still have a chance?" He asked into my neck, his hand grabbing my upper arm tightly, holding himself together seemingly.

"Yes." I said.

He let out a small sob, but it was more distinct. His nails digging into my back and arm, I clung to him as he did me.

His cries calmed as his body melted onto mine, relief overwhelming him.

"Thank you." He breathed out, making my skin cover itself in goosebumps.

I held him closely, the water cooling in temperature.

"The water's getting cold." I whispered.

He detached himself from me, reaching behind him, to turn the faucet off. Now silence fell between the air and us. Nothing was heard.

He turned back around towards me, his eyes red and his face tired. "I didn't even clean myself."

His eyes turned downwards, holding his knees to his chest. "Disgusting." He muttered.

"Stop." I spoke firmly. I leaned my head against the wall of the tub. "Turn the water back on."

"But you said it's cold-"

"You're not feeling like this anymore." I declared, reaching behind him, turning the faucet on, the water making contact with our skin, briefly freezing, now lukewarm.

"You're going to wash your hair, you're going to wash your body, and then you're going to get out, get dressed, and come eat. I'm ordering food."

"No- what? No, don't order anything- I'm not hungry."

"Yes you are."

He was at a loss for words as I stood up, pulled the curtain back and stepped out of the tub.

He stood up grabbing the curtain, then my arm, pulling me back. I turned my head around meeting his gaze, shortly interrupted by his lips on mine, cold and wet as they kissed me.

He pulled away, pulling himself back towards the water. "Thank you." He gave me a small smile.

I hadn't been able to see him smile in a while. It was nice, as a wave of relief overtook me, washing up on me, like that smile did. The cold water clinging to my skin quickly became irrelevant as the cold sensation lingered on my mouth.

I wrapped a towel around my waist, not bothering to tie it as I walked out of the bathroom. I was happy, if only for a moment, but I did not smile. I had slept for a little while longer than usual, so my body was still adjusting to the new schedule of rest.

Throwing myself on my couch, the living room closer than my bedroom, I sighed a breath. A small smile sneaked up on my lips, remembering his words and the way his eyes stared at mine.

I reached for the phone on the side table, it being my own, and dialing numbers.

We were having Chinese tonight.