𝙙𝙧𝙪𝙜𝙨 ; SHINDEKU

𝟏𝟖

We dined on our food, slurping and swallowing down the edibles one by one.

"Do you want to talk about something?" He asked me.

"I don't know where to start." I said. I looked at my lap, seeing my shirt hovering over my thighs gently. I was wearing boxers, they squeezed my thighs gently.

He swallowed his food, his lips parting slightly. My mind flashed images of the times before, where we had sex.

I looked him in his eyes, my face warm with the memories, nostalgic.

"You okay? You looked flushed?"

"Yeah. Just hungry."

"Eat." He said. "I didn't pay for this for nothing."

"I know, I'm sorry." I apologized.

"Nothing to say sorry for." 

"Hitoshi?" I asked.

He looked up from his container of take-out.

"Hm?"

"I want to-" A hitch in my breath. "I want to have sex again."

"Why?" He asked immediately, which took me off guard. Why would he ask 'why'?

"Because uh-" I found it hard, suddenly, to create sentences. A fly landed on my container, it still closed.

"I want to." I said, closing my eyes.

He closed the container of food, standing up, walking towards me.

"Then come on." I stood up briskly, scooping my food up and putting it in the fridge, walking past him quickly.

"You help me get away from myself." I said, not yet turning from the fridge. I faced the machine, feeling his hands wrap around my hands.

"Why do you want to get away from yourself?" He asked in a whisper.

My breathing quickened.

"I want to." I said quietly. "I can't stand myself if you're not touching me now."

He grabbed my hand, spinning me around towards him as he marched off. He drug me towards the bedroom, throwing me to the mattress.

I let out a small gasp as I hit the foam.

He was quiet as he walked towards me, still fully clothed. He had an old band shirt on, Pearl Jam.

He wore pajama pants with tiny skulls on them.

He crawled on the bed, his hands placed on my knees.

"Izuku." He whispered. "You're shaking."

I took notice of my state, my heavy breathing not helping the situation any further.

"We're not going to have sex, Izuku." He stated. I furrowed my brows.

"Why?"

"Because." He looked down at my shirt, staring off at it. He soon came back to reality, gazing into my eyes.

"You don't need that."

"Yes I do!" I shouted desperately. Anything to get away from myself.

"I'm not going to help you get away from yourself, because the further you are from yourself, the further you are from me." He said, his brows turned downwards.

"And I don't want that." He said genuinely.

"I want to like you, Izuku." He said in a hushed voice, his tone lowered. I felt myself harden slightly.

"But I can't if you don't let me."

"I'm letting you, Hitoshi. Please."

"Don't beg, you're making a fool of yourself."

I bit my cheek, staring up at him with hungry eyes.

"I need you." I muttered.

"Don't mutter."

"I need you." I spoke, my hands grabbing at the sheets under me. Sheets that hadn't been washed yet.

"I don't want to fuck." He said. "I want to have sex with you, maybe."

I was confused. "Do you want to make love to me?" I asked.

He nodded. "Yes."

"Then why aren't you?"

"Because I can't. Not until I'm in love."

"But aren't you in love?" I asked. He shook his head.

"Not yet." He smiled slightly. "I will be."

"Then make like to me then." I grumbled. I pushed my hips forward against him.

"That's not a thing." He said.

I pushed myself up towards him, lying on my elbows. I wrapped my hand around his neck, pulling him closer to me, crashing my lips into his like a fatal accident.

I danced against his mouth messily, no remorse as I bruised my own lips.

I pushed myself against him harshly, hearing a low groan escape past his lips.

"Hitoshi." I broke away. "I need you, baby."

A glint of something resonated in his eyes as he gazed at me.

"You need me?" He asked.

"Yes." I desperately spoke.

"Really?"

"You send shivers down my spine, you make me cum so hard, harder than anything I've felt in my life. You give me a new perspective. I need you. I need you, goddammit. I don't care if you're not in me right now, but I need you to know that I need you. Without you, I'm nothing."

He crawled backwards, leaving coldness behind him between my legs.

"Thank you." He whispered. He walked towards me, his face inches from mine. My eyes stung with tears, as one slipped down.

"But if you ever talk down on yourself again, I will kick you out." He sounded dead serious. "Consider it therapy, baby."