𝙙𝙧𝙪𝙜𝙨 ; SHINDEKU

𝟏𝟔

The smell of sweat and dust filled my senses, as my eyes fluttered open against his chest. My vision was blurry as I gave his sleeping face a brief glance.

I closed my eyes, letting them rest for seconds more before I opened them again, seeing his dingy grey shirt still. A sigh escaped between my lips.

His arms were around my body, holding me to him, as his chest rose and fell with every sleeping breath he took.

I felt at ease for a few moments, before feeling the urge to go to the bathroom. I slipped out of his arms, careful not to wake him, as I made my way towards the bathroom.

Opening the door, and turning the light on, I saw myself, disheveled and grimy-looking as I stared.

I sighed.

I shut the door, making it slightly cracked, behind me, as I try to avert my eyes from the reflection. Pulling back the shower curtain, I leaned down towards the knob, turning it on.

The water poured into the tub, like rain indoors. The shower warmed up as I pulled the curtain slightly closed as to not let any water out. I undressed, peeling the shirt off of my skin, sweat making the air cold on it.

I let myself breathe for a moment, feeling the cool air soothe my back.

“Hey.” Hitoshi said from behind me, standing against the trim of the bathroom doorway.

I turned around gently, not being startled by him for once.

“Hey.” I gave him a weak smile. “What time is it?”

“It’s around 11 A.M.” He said, walking into the bathroom. “You feeling any better? You slept for a while.”

I nodded gently. “A little.”

I was exhausted still, even after all that sleep, apparently. I needed to feel clean, and so that meant forcing myself to take a shower.

Pulling the rest of my clothes off, I pulled back the curtain, stepping in.

I turned around to look at him. “You coming?”

He raised his brows slightly, just slightly, as he nodded. “Yeah.”

I stepped behind the curtain, letting the hot water pour on myself. I felt relieved as the heat covered my whole body.

Hearing the curtain crumple behind me, I glanced over my shoulder seeing Hitoshi stepping into the shower with me.

“Can I step in the water?” He asked. “Yeah.”

He came closer to me, the water running over his face and body, his hair now sopping wet. His fingers ran through his hair, letting his head fall back into the water.

I watched as he brushed through his wet hair with his fingers, his eyes looking at mine.

I never took notice of him before, like this.

His hands, the way he moved them. The way he breathed, when his lips parted. The way his eyes followed my every movement, or how he gave me all his attention, when I never asked for him to.

The way he’s been there since I met him.

All the parties, the throwing-up, the drinks, the drugs, the high. I never thought about it like this until now, just now.

It never crossed my mind before that maybe I didn’t need the drugs to feel it, because I was feeling it right now. That euphoric experience, the cool wave of relaxation, and total serenity. I felt it now, right now, with him.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” He asked through the water, pulling strands of wet hair behind his ear.

“I’m sorry.” I spoke, still gazing at him.

“For what?”

“For never realizing.”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, leaning against the cool tile, his skin making direct contact with it, causing his breath to hitch slightly.

I pushed myself off of the tile, towards him, lifting myself up gently up to his face.

“Can I kiss you?” I asked, inches away from his face.

“You never asked before-”

Pushing myself onto him, I slammed my face into his, pressing my lips against his, the warm water in between us locking us together.

His hand grabbed my side, steadying himself. He pushed his lips against mine, using his other hand to snake into my hair.

This contact was different from the others, it pulled me into reality with every small touch made between us.

I felt so much less desperate for his attention, now, all I wanted was his touch, his eyes on mine. I just wanted him to hear me, even when I was saying absolutely nothing.

Feeling pin-pricks in my face, I pushed against him, desperate for the feeling to remain in my chest, pumping me with energy. My mind was in a frenzy, all I wanted-

All I wanted was him, and it shocked me, but I knew it was what I wanted, so I acted on it.

I felt tears slip down my cheek, somehow hotter than the shower above us. I furrowed my brows as we pushed and pulled against each other.

He pulled back slightly, catching his breath. I was worried he didn’t want to-

He pulled me closer to him, his back against the tile. Our lips met once again, bruising one another.

My entire body felt like static, some force pulling me towards him. I wanted him, and my mind wouldn’t even let me think before pushing me towards him.

His thumb rubbed my cheek, as he gently pulled away.

“We need to actually bathe.”

“I want-”

“I know.”

“No, you don’t understand.” I said. “I don’t…” I stopped myself. I didn’t want to admit anything just because of a surge of intense emotions.

“What is it?” He asked.

I felt hot tears roll down my face.

“Nothing.”

“No, please, tell me. I’m listening.” He held his hand against my cheek, I leaned into his touch as the only sound was the water meeting the tub’s fiberglass.

“I think-” I choked. “I don’t know how I feel about you.”

“What do you mean?” he asked. I looked up at him, staring into his eyes as they tried to decipher the meaning behind my words.

“I don’t want to use you.” I said. “I care about you. I want to be around you.”

He stood there, listening to every word I spoke.

“I want to be with you.”

“Izuku.” He said, his tone changed, he was stern.

I looked up at him.

“Are you lying to me?” He asked.

“No.” I said, furrowing my brows upwards, trying to regain my composure, to no avail, as usual.

His arms wrapped around my frame, holding me close to him, his grip tight and warm.

“You promise.” He said, his lips on my ear.

“Yes.”