Suicide Watch

Chapter 18

Temi POV

Melody instantly responds to the kiss, as if it's something she has been waiting for. Her lips are flush against mine as she kisses me. She presses her lips hard against mine and I press mine back even harder, hoping that if I kiss her hard enough, I'll stop thinking of Isa.

I desperately want to feel like I used to feel with Melody. To feel carefree, excited. Nothing really mattered with her except hooking up. I never thought too deeply about any feelings I had for her. Because I didn't have any. As Melody kisses me, a sliver of guilt passes through me.

But the guilt I feel isn't enough for me to break the kiss apart.

Melody's hands start roaming all over my body, and I let her. I want to recoil. I want to push her away and tell her that this is all a mistake. But I don't. I squeeze my eyes shut and kiss her even harder.

I am aware of Isa throughout. I can almost feel her eyes watching us intently. But I don't react.

I take hold of Melody's waist and pull her closer to me, so our bodies are pressed hard against each other. Just like Isa's and I's had been just a few moments ago. But I don't feel the same way I had felt a few moments ago, when it was Isa that my body was pressed against.

I feel empty. I feel nothing. I only feel Melody's body against mine. That is all there is to it. Just flesh and bones.

Melody, on the other hand, feels something.

She lets out a moan, and in the next second, her tongue is in my mouth. I force myself to keep from retching as she feels her way around my mouth.

I'm not sure what happens next. But what I know is that one moment, I am enduring a make-out session with Melody, and the next, I feel firm hands ripping us apart.

I look up in confusion as Isa pries us away from each other. But I can't ignore the feeling of great relief that rushes over me at Isa's interruption.

"That's enough," Isa says. She doesn't look at me, but she doesn't have to. I can see her rage clear as day across her face. Isa does not hide her anger, but I can see she's using it to mask something else. Hurt.

At that moment, guilt hits me. A way bigger guilt than the one I had felt towards Melody. This one has more of an impact on me, and my heart clenches painfully.

"We're leaving. Now."

Isa doesn't wait for my response, but immediately begins heading in the exit's direction, pushing her way through the mass of people, oblivious to the events that just occurred.

"Temi, what's going on?" Melody asks, confusion clear on her face. Her lips are swollen from our kiss mere moments ago, but that doesn't turn me on how it used to. I feel shame wash over me as I stare at her.

Without a word, I follow Isa, pushing through the sea of sweaty people. I almost wish that it would swallow me up. I wish that somehow I wouldn't be able to make it to the other side. But I make it outside in one piece and dread overcomes me as I see Isa standing there, waiting for the Uber.

The ride back to the apartment is done in silence.

At several points, our Uber driver, a bouncy white man, tries to make conversation. Neither of us respond. Both of us just sit side by side, staring out of the windows. At some point, he gives up and we continue the rest of the journey in pin-drop silence.

It's about 3 in the morning when we make it back to the apartment. I'm feeling so many emotions at once and it all seems to morph into exhaustion.