Suicide Watch

Chapter 33

Temi POV

Empty. That's exactly how I feel.

And confused. I feel extremely disoriented and confused. Everything has gone wrong so fast that I can't wrap my head around it. I can't wrap my head around how I fucked everything up.

I'm so hollow. Isa had filled me up these past few months. Without me knowing it, she had brought so much to me, taught me so much. She made my days feel like they mattered. Gave me something to look forward to. Even before we got along, at least she was a constant. Someone that was always there.

But that's over and she's gone. I'm alone. It's just like Grace all over again.

I sit down on the couch. It smells just like Isa from the many nights that she spent sleeping here. She was sleeping here just this morning. *We were sleeping here just this morning.

I bury my face in my palms. There are a million thoughts going through my mind, yet none of them seem to make sense. None of them seem able to liberate me from the intense dismay that I am feeling.

My throat is closing up, and it's extremely hard to swallow. It's extremely quiet in my apartment, it's too quiet.

I feel like I can't cry anymore than I have already. Then the first tear falls, and another, and another. And I'm sobbing on the couch. The tears don't stop. I don't think that they ever will. All I want to do right then is cry. I think all I can ever do for the rest of my life is cry.

It's not fair. Nothing is fair.

My head hurts, and my heart is racing. I feel heavy all over. I'm so so tired and exhausted. With fresh tears still flowing down my face, I fall asleep.

The sound of knocking wakes me up. I'm not sure how long I had been asleep for, but it's dark in my apartment, letting me know it has been at least a few hours.

For a moment, I'm in a state of confusion, not remembering the events of earlier today, then it all comes back to me. I feel heavy but do not have the strength to cry.

The sound of knocking on my apartment door comes again and I instantly realize what had awoken me in the first place. I rise reluctantly from my position on the couch and make my way over to the apartment front door.

I realize it's probably campus security that Isa called, probably here to do a "wellness check" on me. I.e. to make sure I'm still alive, so the university does not have any liability charges on their hands.

I don't bother wiping the dried up tears off my face before opening the front door.

A man is standing there. I assume he is campus security.

"Hi," I say. My voice comes out devoid of emotion and it is hoarse from all the crying I had been doing earlier, "you must be here to take me to my new suicide watch facility." There is sarcasm dripping from every inch of my voice, but I cannot be bothered with politeness.

I pause then, but the man says nothing. He simply nods. I look at him for a few moments. He looks familiar but I can't exactly place where I have seen him before. I also care so little about that at this moment.

I don't care about many things right now. I figure the least I can do is comply.

"Let me go pack up my stuff real quick," I say.

The school will probably place me in the Campus Health Center, where they can monitor me till a new bodyguard takes over from Isa.

I turn around to head back into my apartment. I have not even taken a step when I feel a pinch at the back of my neck.