A Broken Mind Can't Be Fixed

Chapter 7

I wake up in a dark room with my head pounding. I can't remember what happened yesterday or even what day it is.

I fall back asleep.

My dreams are twisted. Dark and cold. I see Lydia cowering in a corner, screaming for her life. I reach out to her but she only screams more.

I try to walk away but my feet are stuck to the school tile. I look down to find my feet drenched in blood, sticky blood that holds me to the ground.

Police arrive and shoot me before I can even offer my hands up in surrender.

I'm dead like the millions I've killed.

I wake up in cold sweat with my heart pounding. My alarm clock says it's seven in the morning so I drag myself out of bed and change from stained clothes.

I'm not sure why they're stained.

Brushing my teeth, I notice that my face looks different. I look older, more ragged. I can't remember what I did last night and it's scaring me.

In a sudden rush, I run to my bedroom and throw open my sock drawer. I search for the small bag of cocaine but I can't find it. My breath catches. It has to be here. I would never use it.

After a bit more searching, I decide I don't want to miss the bus so I end my search. I walk out the front door and end up back in my room. I shake my head. Something weird is going on.

Once again I walk out the front door and end up in my bedroom. I yell for Addie. No one answers which is strange. She should be home.

"Addie?" I ask as I open her bedroom door. She's sitting on the floor flipping through fashion magazines. She doesn't look up at all.

"Addie, hello?" She still does not answer or look at me. I shiver as a chill creeps up my spine. I hear footsteps coming up the stairs.

"Addie, dear, it's time for breakfast. I made your favorite. And I know it's been a hard time for you, but we will make it through this, I promise you. Now please come on." Mother turns and clicks downstairs. Addie sighs and walks right passed me.

I stand in her doorway for a few moments before I chase after her. My hand goes right through her shoulder and I fall down the stairs.

Finally reaching the bottom, I bump into the wall and knock a painting to the floor. Addie starts screaming and Mother rushes into the room.

"What is going on in here? Addie?" Mother looks at her ruined painting and curses.

"How did this happen? Addie, shut up!" Mother yells at Addie and completely ignores me. I stand up and sulk up to my bedroom. Why are they acting like I'm not there?

-

A couple weeks go by. I lay in bed and cry. Mother doesn't come up
to check on me once. It's like I don't even exist, like I'm dead.

There's weird stains on my wall and if I didn't know better, I would think it was blood. It can't be, or at least I think...

I can't remember anything from before I woke up about a month ago. All I know now is that I keep having weird dreams of me shooting up my whole school and Violet telling me to go away. These things couldn't have happened, could they? These are just nightmares, right?

My arms are as clean as a baby's. No scars from the many times I've mutilated myself. I want to cut again, just to see what would happen, but I'm too afraid.

I feel insane.

I leave my bedroom for the first time in awhile. Mother and Addie are downstairs, and Larry is taking a shower. I stand and listen to their conversation.

"Mommy, where is Tate?"

"I've already told you. He's dead. You know what he did and I'm not explaining it again, for it pains my weak heart."

"Oh whatever! Tate was right about you! You're a liar, a dirty cheat and I don't wanna live here anymore. I don't-" Mother slaps Addie in the face.

"Don't you dare talk to me like that, or you'll end up dead too, you ugly rat!" Mother stands up and goes to her bedroom. Addie begins to cry.

"I'm not ugly, I'm a pretty girl, just a pretty girl, pretty girl." I walk over to her.

"Addie?" I say as I lean right in front of her face. She stops sniffling for a second.

"Tate, is that you?" She whispers with wide eyes. I almost explode with relief.

"Yes, Addie it's me, Tate. Can you tell me what happened? What's going on?" I'm stumbling over my words. I've never been this eager to speak. Addie swallows.

"Tate, momma says you killed everyone and that you're a monster."

"What do you mean? I haven't killed anyone." I grab her hand and notice it's very cold, or maybe it's just mine.

"You shot people and tried to burn daddy. And then you got shot! You're dead! WHY CAN I SEE YOU? MOM, IT'S TATE, HE AIN'T DEAD, HE'S RIGHT HERE, MOM-" I run off as I hear Larry and Mother rushing downstairs.

"Addie, stop with your nonsense! No one is here and Tate is dead!" Hearing enough, I sneak back up to my room.

How could I be dead? I don't feel dead, but now that I think about, I don't feel alive either. I haven't had any hunger pangs or felt the need to use the bathroom for the past month!
Maybe I am dead..

But how did Addie see me? Why now? Was it because I wanted her to so much, or because she was in a weak, crying state? I plop down onto my bed and wonder about these things. Does this mean all my dreams are true? Did I shoot Lydia as she cowered in a corner?

The doorbell rings downstairs. Everyone goes silent from the yelling they were just doing. Suddenly I hear Mother tell Larry to open the door.

I listen intensely to figure out who it is, but all I hear is a few greetings and nervous laughter.

"Well come in then." I hear Mother say.

I sneak down the stairs and stay hidden from sight just in case I can still be seen. I see Lydia sitting around the dining room table with Mother and Larry.

"I just wanted to talk about T-Tate... Do you guys know what triggered it? I just can't imagine what it was. And I've tried to move on, but I think I have to talk to you before I do. Please, just talk to me about him." Silence.

"You should leave." I hear Mother say.

"No, no. She deserves to know what she wants to. They were obviously quite close. Now, Lydia, ask whatever you want to and I'll try to answer." Larry sounds so formal and I notice that he's shaved all his hair. I can't see his face from this angle, but I can see Lydia's. She looks tired.

"I, um, want to know about a girl named Violet. Did you guys know one? He talked about her once." Lydia's voice is weak.

"I've never heard that damned name once in my life." Mother sounds irritated and Larry grabs her hand. Lydia turns red.

"I think I'm leaving now. Thank you for all your help." Lydia stands up and looks in my direction from upstairs and I suddenly want her to see me. Her face turns white and she gasps. Larry turns around and I gasp at his face. It's severely burned and I remember Addie telling me I "tried to burn daddy." I rush back to my bedroom and slam the door.

"What the hell was that?" Mother exclaims.

"Nothing, probably just Addie." Larry says calmly.

"Come on, Lydia. I'll show you to the door." I hear chairs scraping the ground as they're pulled out and I only breathe when I see Lydia leave from my bedroom window.