A Broken Mind Can't Be Fixed

Chapter 6

I somehow make it through a week of school. I mean, yeah, I end up cutting a lot, but I still make it.

I keep having dreams about Violet too. They're quick flashes of her. She's always screaming and crying. I call out to her but she never listens.

It's quieter around the house without Beau. Addie doesn't come by my room anymore. Larry and my mother stay clear from me, which is probably for the best. If they tried to confront me about Beau's death, I would probably kill them.

Lydia came by my locker Monday. She said she was sorry about our fight. I brushed it off and walked away. I have a feeling Violet is hurting because of her. Ever since I met Lydia, my dreams have been screwy and I don't like that at all. I want my normal, sweet Violet back.

I have a strange urge to call Lydia however, but I know she won't be home. There's a huge football game tonight and practically everyone from school is going. Everyone but me. I mean, yeah, there's probably some people who aren't going, but they could if they wanted to. If I showed up, everyone would just think it was weird. Which is the main reason I'm having a Star Wars marathon tonight. 

After watching all the Star Wars movies, I fall asleep and dream of Violet.

-

"Don't touch me, Tate." Violet is trembling at each step I take towards her.

"Vi, what's wrong? What did I do?" I try to reach out to her but she slaps my hand away.

"You're a monster. I used to think you were like me, attracted to darkness, but Tate... you are the darkness. I never wanna see you again." Tears are pouring out of her beautiful eyes, and I know I can't make it better. I begin crying.

"No, I'm not, what could ever make you say that? Violet-"

"Tate, go AWAY! GO AWAY, GO AWAY, GO AWAY!" 

-

I lay in bed for the rest of the weekend. Mother knocks on my door Sunday night and asks if I'm feeling sick. I tell her to go fuck herself, which may be a bit harsh, but I honestly do not give a shit anymore.

I've been thinking about Violet. I can't even imagine what I did to make her hate me so much. It's driving me insane.

"I can't fucking do this anymore!" I roll out of bed and start knocking stuff around. I want to break everything. I want to forget how Violet broke me. It's all my fault too. I should have been a better person, but I'm too fucking insane. 

I smash my lamp on the ground and I hear Addie start crying in her room. 

"Do something, you damn fool!" I hear my mom yell from downstairs. Larry mutters something back and I hear footsteps coming towards my room. I stand still in my dark room. The door creeps open and Larry hits the light switch.

"Hey, Tate, you're scaring Addie. Can you please calm down?" I spit in his face.

"Calm down? Are you serious? This family is screwed up. We're all going to die. Horribly. Painfully. And I'll make sure you go first, you cocksucker. You're fucking weak and-" Larry jumps at me and punches me before I can do anything in my defense. I hit the ground hard and blackout. 

-

I wake up to Addie knocking on my bedroom door the next morning. 

"Tate, you have school. Just wanted to let you know." She leaves quickly.

My head is pounding as I sit up. Larry really got me hard last night.

I rub my eyes and start crying. Violet left me. She doesn't love me. This world is a filthy goddamn horror show, and I have to save everybody from it.

I take out a gun hidden beneath my bed and stuff it in my coat pocket. I have to kill the people I like in order to save them from this horrid world. To make my job easier, I finally use the cocaine I've had stashed between my socks. 

Once it's in me, I immediately wish I didn't do it, but it's too fucking late. It's time to save the world, but before I do that, I have someone else to take care of...

-

Larry's office isn't crowded and I get in easily. He's sitting at his desk, acting like a fake little bitch.

I laugh as I throw the gasoline at him. His eyes widen and he starts yelling, but I really do not give a shit. 

I set him on fire so he knows how his family felt.

-

I get to school a little late, but that's fine. I shoot the security guard at the school entrance. He always waved at me and wished me a good morning. I don't want him living in this hate-filled world.

I shoot more people; friends that never talked to me, teachers who smiled at me. I shoot them all. People are screaming. People are hiding. I want them all to die. I want them all to be safe, if only I could find anyone, goddammit!

I pass the library door, which is unusually closed. I laugh. Everyone behind this door is about to be saved.

I walk in. The library is silent, except for a few muffled breaths. I shoot and shoot and people are dying before me. I can't even see their faces anymore. Everything is a blur. They beg for their life, but they don't know that I'm giving them life. They'll understand once they're out of this hell hole. They'll pay me back one day. 

I think I hear cop sirens outside, but they could just be screams. I'm not taking any chances though. I run home.

You know, I never realized how exhilarating cocaine could be. I feel as if I'm on top of the world, like I can fly. No one can stop me. 

My bedroom has never looked so peaceful. I laugh. I laugh and I laugh because this world will be a better place with me as the leader. 

I hear my mother yelling downstairs and heavy footsteps coming up the stairs. The police tell me to drop my gun, and I eagerly do. I smile at them because they're dumb enough to think their bullets can take a God like me down. Nothing can take me down. I'm invincible. 

As the police point guns at me, I decide I like them. They're good people. They're trying to protect this world, and I could really use them in mine. I reach for the gun on my bed and feel a million bullets go through me, and all I can do is laugh.

 I did this for you, Violet. All for you.