My life becomes a mixture of loneliness and sorrow. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I used to think about dying, but now that I am dead, I realize that death traps you more than life ever could.
While living, you can go anywhere. You can run away from your problems, you can start a new beginning. Nothing is irreversible and you can start a new life at any time.
But death. Death is the opposite. You're stuck in hell, your memories swirling and swirling, making you sick to your stomach. I always feel sick. I feel like my feet don't touch the ground, that God is trying to take me to Heaven but then he realizes that I'm a monster. He realizes that I'm evil.
Lydia came by again a couple days ago. Mother didn't even open the door, just yelled for her to leave.
I wanted to run outside to look into her eyes, to hear her southern accent before it faded completely. I felt guilty thinking these thoughts. I'm supposed to want Violet, not some girl who came into my life for only a couple months.
This is all I think about. I lie in bed hour after hour, wondering how I could truly be dead. My mind can't seem to grasp the fact that this home is my hell. I am living...I am dying (?) in hell. I'm emptying myself in hell. Hell is sucking the life from me. If only I could find something to pleasure me and to occupy my thoughts throughout these long days.
I used to anticipate Violet's visits in my dreams, but now they're only nightmares. She curses me, wishes me to go away. Forever. She never wants me to see her again. I never want to see me again. Every time I look in the mirror I see the bullet holes that took my life.
-
Days pass. Months pass. Mother moves out. Lydia stops coming by. And I am still dead.
YOU ARE READING
A Broken Mind Can't Be Fixed
FanfictionTate Langdon is a 17 year old boy who goes to Westfield High. He's a very lonely child. His mother neglects him and his siblings. He grows to hate her. When Larry Harvey and Tate's Mother get together, Tate starts to really lose his mind, or at leas...
