If Only I Can

Chapter 2: The Return

Nathan's P.O.V:

"What?! Pa, ano'to? Why are you trying to restrain me from her again? I lost her once! You knew! You saw me, you saw what I became without her! And now she's back, you want me to stay away from her again? Pa, please. Wag namang ganito. You know how long I've waited to see her again. You can just beat the crap out of me but never pull her away from me again, beat me, disown me, I don't fucking care. Pa, ikamamatay kong mawala siya ulit sa'kin. " My Dad looked at me in disbelief. Artchie tried to calm me down and so did Cassy. "Dude, relax." "You stay out of this! Wag mong sabihin sakin kakampi ka kay papa!" I'm totally loosing my patience. Fuck. Artchie didn't said anything but instead shooked his head." Nathan, makinig ka muna kay Tito Marcos.. Let him explain.." Mahinang sabi sa'kin ni Cass. "Nathan, Anastashia is engaged. She'll get married after college. I am doing this for you, son. I know how much you've been through because you lost her. That's why I'm telling you to stay away from her hanggang maaga pa. Ayaw kong lalo kang masaktan this time. Please, listen to me Nathan." Dad explained. I felt my whole system failing. Bakit? Anong engage? I felt my senses dying. Then nakaramdam ako ng matinding galit at selos.. Putang ina! Bullshit! Hindi ko matanggap ang mga naririnig ko.. I burst into tears and found myself kneeling to the ground. " Pa.. Bakit? Sobrang sakit na Pa.. Mahal na mahal ko siya.." I punched the floor countless times. They tried to stop me pero masyadong masakit. Sobra pa sa sakit ng kamay kong nagdurugo sa bawat suntok ko sa sahig. "Anak, tama na.. pakawalan mo na siya." 'hindi ko kaya! Putang ina naman! Hinding hindi ko kaya!' I wanted to shout. Gusto ko silang sigawan, buntunan ng lahat ng galit at sakit.Pero alam kong wala silang kasalanan at hindi din nila ginusto ang mga nangyari. I know I'm stupid, I know what I was thinking is foolish. Pero yun lang ang naiisip kung paraan para hindi ako malayo sa kanya.. I wiped my tears and stood. " After college. She'll get married. Then papa, please. Allow me to be with her bago mangyari yun.. Hayaan nyong mahalin ko sya.. hanggang kailangan ko na syang isuko.. Allow me, kahit sa maikling panahon, makasama ulit sya at maging masaya. Please, let me live again." "Anak, hindi mo pwedeng ga--" " Dad please.
Ipinapangako kong hindi ako magpapakilala sa kanya.. " My dad no longer argued with me and instead nodded and smiled.

I excused myself after that moment. I was still not my proper self. I went to the Arc Garden to think, when I found a fallen angel sitting while sleeping on my spot, Anastashia. Dahan- dahan akong lumapit at umupo sa tabi niya. My chest tightened; parang sasabog ang puso ko sa saya. I looked at her face,.. I missed her so much and now she's right beside me solemnly sleeping. Hindi ko na kayang pigilan ang sarili ko, I reached out my hand and touched her face, her nose, her eyes, her cheeks, her lips. I missed them all. I missed her love. Then I reached out to her hand and kissed them slowly, a tear fell from my eyes. She suddenly started moving at unti-unti na syang nagising. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. Naramdaman ko na tinitingnan nya ako. Hindi ko mapigilang maiyak. She stood and I heard her steps as she started walking away, ' I love you... Anastashia' I called out to her.. I hope she heard me. I opened my eyes slightly as I watch her leave.. ' Anastashia, I will love you until my life ends, but for now, I can only choose to stay with you until our time runs out than to choose not to be with you any longer..' I heaved the heaviest sigh I could ever make, then I I stood and ran to my next subject. 'Wait!' Before I reached my room, I turned to the men's room. 'There's something I need to do first.'