If Only I Can

Chapter 3: The Secret Is Revealed

Anastashia's P.O.V.:

My day ended in such way. Sumaya ako sa mga nalaman ko about my past.. Yung umibig pala ako, how we met, all the places fate brought us to meet.. And to the fact that I actually loved someone in such way.. Somehow iniisip ko pa din na baka pinagtritripan lang ako ni Nathan, pero he doesn't seem to be someone who plays with emotions.. He seem to put much value to them even. 'Dapat bumalik ka sa kanya..' Hanggang ngayon, that thought makes me giddy. It sends chills to my spine; yung parang.. gustong gusto ko.. pero I am not sure. I don't even know kung sino ang dapat kong balikan.. Its been two years, is it even possible that he's still inlove with me? Ayaw ko mang isipin na baka hindi na, di ko maiwasan ang pagsagi nito sa isip ko.. Its the reality Anastashia. It would be sounding selfish but I wish its still me. I wish na sana sa pagkikita namin soon, ako pa din ang gusto niya... Kahit hindi ko alam kung ano ang minahal ko sa kanya, kahit hindi ko pa siya kilala and I only heard stories about him and how we met, very few stories actually, hindi ko maiwasang masaktan. I snuggled to my bed's covers and tried to erase those thoughts that's been bugging me when my phone rang, who could be calling at this hour? I thought. Disoras na ng gabi tapos may tatawag pa. Seesh, parang wala ng umagang dadating ah! I reached for my phone and the caller's name flashed to my screen. Nathan. ?! I nearly fell on my bed. *Dug.Dug.Dug.* I answered my phone,"Hey." "Hey.. did I wake you up?" His voice sounds so masculine and sexy. " U-Uh N-No, I-It's Uhm, I-I was, I-Its not. Crap." What's with my diction tonight? Parang yan lang ata alam kong sabihin. T-T he laughed on the other line. And that made me smile. "By the way, be early at school tomorrow, okay?" "Anong meron? Eh 9:30 pa yung first class natin para bukas ah." "Basta. We will need a lot time." I felt my chest tightened. Time? I decided not to protest anymore, wala din namang masama kung maaga akong pupunta. "Okay then,I'll see you." "Okay.." he trailed off. We stay silent for awhile but the call was still on. " Uhm, is there anything else?" I asked him,breaking the silence, medyo inaantok na din kasi ako.." You can just sleep now, just don't turn down the call yet... I want to... stay like this for a few more minutes.." Napaisip ako sa sinabi niya.. All along, There was a battle inside me: that is kung matutulog ba ako while the call was still on, or if I would just pretend that I am. "Uhm, okay.. goodnight Nathan." I imagined him smiling while I said those words.Gaya ng sabi nya, hindi ko pinatay yung call. I forced myself to sleep, gosh. Kanina lang antok na antok na ako, pero ngayon hindi ako makatulog, because he's still there. I closed my eyes, waiting for sleep to come to me when I suddenly heard something from the other line. Nathan was... humming a song. I just listened to him, still closed eyes. "Alam mo Anastashia.." Omg. Siguro akala nya talaga tulog na ako. My heart beated triple times faster. "Hindi ko alam kung kakayanin ko na ikasal ka.. Kasi, marriage, it has always been our dream." Ano daw?... Hindi ako makahinga sa mga sinasabi nya.. Ano ba kasing ibig nyang sabihin? Lalo akong hindi nakatulog. I listened to him. I heard him laugh bitterly on the other line. "Marrying you someday has been my greatest dream.. Kaya nung nag fake marriage tayo? Sineryoso ko yun.. Kasi I can't imagine loving someone else the way I love you.. The vow I made to you that day, hanggang ngayon, ginagawa ko parin.. I still fall inlove with same person for a million reason each day... Hindi ako pumalya, kahit na nung mawala ka sakin.. Halos nabaliw ako nun.." I fought back the tears that were about to fall... Sobra akong naapektohan sa mga sinasabi nya.. Kaya pala, para akong nag mimini heart attack pag kaharap ko sya... kaya pala sobra na lang ang pagtitiwala ko sa kanya.. Kaya pala nung narinig ko ang pangalan nya, nakaramdam ako ng saya.. Kasi, sya yung minahal ko ng sobra'sobra.. I heard sobs; was he crying?! Hindi ko napigilan ang mga luha at kusa na silang tumulo.. " You were the best part of me.. Lagi kong iniisip na if I have you, then I have everything.. Kaya nung naaksidente tayo, nung inilayo ka nila sa'kin para sa ikabubuti mo, I lost everything. I lost my mind, my heart, I lost myself. Para akong namatay, I felt nothing.." Pinigilan kong wag umiyak masyado and tried to compose myself, baka marinig nya ako.. He was silent for a few moments then he let out another bitter laugh, " Everyday,.. Every single day, I recall everything that happened, how fate brought you to me, how I held you in my arms.. how we loved.. yung vows,.. and the accident.. everyday, inaalala ko lahat yun, it was the greatest proof na ni minsan, hindi ako nawala sayo... kahit hindi kana akin.." Sobra akong nasasaktan.. I clenched my fist and placed it on my chest,.. Nararamdaman ko lahat ng sakit na iniinda nya.. " My everything.. I will show you how we created our world.. I know that there's a fat chance na pagkatapos ng lahat ng to' eh babalik kapa sa'kin.. pero even so.. Just being with you, it was all I need to breathe.. Mahal na mahal kita Tashia.. " I wanted to say something.. But I don't know what to say. "Goodnight.." Matapos nun, the line went blank. The call ended. But I wish it didn't. I wish he told me more..