Peccatori | Damiano David [ENG]

XXII

Fear. An emotion that has accompanied us since the dawn of time. Everyone is afraid of something, there are no fearless people. If someone claims that there is no thing they are afraid of then know that they are lying. Probably this person has a lot of fears, but they put on a mask to hide under. It's a defense mechanism.

Am I afraid? Of course I'm afraid. Many things scare me: spiders, the ocean, clowns, or heights. But this is nothing compared to other things. I am afraid of losing my loved ones and being alone. It keeps me up at night and I can't face the fact that someday I will have to say goodbye to them forever.

Death is the worst. The very thought of it paralyzes me. I feel anxious, I can't even talk about it. Immediately in my head appear these terrible thoughts. Insistently inhabiting my head. I'm afraid that my last moments will be spent in suffering. I'm afraid I'll be a burden to loved ones. I'm afraid of what comes after.

The worst part of it all is forgetting. The fact that one day I will disappear from this world and in the course of time everyone will forget about me. No one will remember me anymore. No one will even remember that someone like Lilith Demonio existed. I will do everything to make my name immortal. Credimi sono diventato immortale.

- Lilith, Lilith. - Someone's hand flew in front of my face which effectively snapped me out of my mental lethargy. - Are you listening to me? - Damiano asked.

I shook my head nervously and shifted my gaze to him.

- Forgive me, I was completely lost in thought. - I muttered under my breath and looked down. - Could you repeat that? - I asked squeezing his hand that was resting on my thigh.

- I asked how you were feeling. You look awfully pale. Why don't you drink some water? - Damiano suggested.

I shook my head.

- I don't want to be here. - I said bluntly.

Before me was the first and hopefully the last trial I would attend. Some time ago my abuser was caught and the nightmare was over. At least for now. A case has been opened against her and a trial date has been set for today. I keep my fingers crossed that everything will be solved today and I could close this unpleasant chapter of my life.

- I know, Stelina, I know. Remember, you're strong. There is no other woman like you. You are unique in your kind and no stupid psycho will change that. She will go to jail and we will move on. - He said kissing my hand.

I smiled pale.

- I will try to believe that. - I muttered and moved restlessly.

- Don't try, just do it. I'm here with you. - He said trying to change the subject so I would start thinking about something else. It won't be as easy as he thinks.

I got up and started walking in circles. I came to the conclusion that diffusing this stress would be the best thing I could do. It didn't take me long to get there, because after only a few minutes, the prosecutor approached me.

- Hello, Mrs. Lilith Demonio, I believe. - said a middle-aged man coming up to me. His face looks quite young, but his years are betrayed by the fine gray hair covering his luxuriant dark hair.

- In the flesh. - I said putting a fake smile on my face. You have to put on a good face.

The prosecutor squeezed my hand tightly. A sign of dominance and self-confidence. I will take that as a good sign.

- I'm attorney Giovanni Falcone and I'm the prosecutor. You will accompany me as an accessory. Have you read the questions I sent you in my e-mail? - He asked me.