Blue and Grey || Taejin

Chapter 25

Amidst the storm of his raging emotions, Seokjin heard a quiet "Come on" before he got escorted gently to his room, all the while with V's palm placed on his back in a comforting manner. Seokjin's vision was blurred with tears, so he had no idea where he was placing his foot, but he was sure that Taehyung would catch him if he fell.

Once V closed the door behind them, Seokjin collapsed against V again. He had never felt so utterly powerless before. The guilt was suffocating him and was trying to pull the world from underneath his feet.

Should he go back?

Would it even help his brother?

Seokjin was nothing but a parasite to his parents; his words held no gravity to them.

"Do you want to tell me?"

Seokjin clutched harder onto V's shirt. Slowly, he became aware of the fact that V's arms had secured him against the latter's chest.

His voice was so tender that Seokjin wondered if he had merely fantasized their previous session.

Without thinking much, Seokjin dropped to the floor and leaned his shoulders against the door. V took a seat Infront of him, both of them mirroring each other as V waited for Seokjin to recount what had broken him so much.

As Seokjin narrated what had happened, he watched V's face contort with various emotions, his expression changing from disbelief to anger to more disbelief before finally settling onto a "I wish I could help you but I'm helpless myself" look that Seokjin often witnessed in the mirror.

V brushed the outer side of his fingers against Seokjin's cheek, catching the single drop of tear that trickled down. Seokjin leaned against his touch sub-consciously and sighed softly.

"You asked me why I was an escort," V said after minutes of pregnant silence.

Seokjin raised his head to meet V's pained eyes.

"You don't have to-"

"No, I want to share," V insisted, his hands gradually engulfing Seokjin's.

"You don't mind if I...?" V cocked his head towards their hands.

"Oh please," Seokjin snorted. They held hands before, so what was the need to ask him?

V offered a wary smile before saying, "I used to be a literature student."

"Oh?" A mental image of V in a beret and cardigan with a book on his lap and a subtle smile painting his lips flashed through Seokjin's head.

V hummed before continuing, "But my noona..."

"My noona was born with a heart disease, but after vigorous treatment when she was young, the symptoms remained dormant for a good amount of time..."

Seokjin felt a fall of anxiety unfurl in his chest.

"But three years ago, the symptoms started to visit her more and more often until... until she had to hospitalized."

V's hold on Seokjin's hands grew feeble. "It was... I can't even explain how... how horrible it was..."

Seokjin inched closer to V and rearranged their hands so their fingers were intertwined.

"The fees for her treatment... the medicines... and the doctor even brought up surgery. My parents were already going through so much emotional turmoil and the finances were weighing them down even more so..."

"So I dropped college, without them knowing. And I started to work as an escort to help my parents and noona but..."

V choked on his words and freed one of his hands to cover his mouth in order to muffle his sobs. Seokjin did not dare to ask anything. Maybe it wasn't enough, maybe time wasn't enough, maybe it was already a lost battle.

"I never found the motivation to continue studying after that. I continued to work as an escort, changing agencies from time to time before I settled for the one I'm working at currently. My parents and I... we fell out because we were too busy grieving by ourselves. Last time, I talked to them, which was a long time ago, I told them that I found a few part-times that were covering my expenses. They didn't care much about it and honestly... i don't blame them. They were too broken. They still are."

And so they forgot about me.

Although unspoken, the words echoed in Seokjin's mind. He wanted to lurch forward and envelop V his arms. But he felt too numb to move.

V breathed out, "So what I'm saying is that... I understand how you're feeling. The helplessness... the hopelessness... I understand them. I really do."

Seokjin blinked his eyes, tears already welling up even though V did not even shed a single droplet. Maybe he had long accepted it and learned to carry on. But the sting felt too raw for Seokjin to just nod it away. So he crawled closer to V and shifted his weight to the latter's lap before wrapping his arms around V's shoulders.

"Why did you not talk before?" Seokjin asked, his fingers tangling with V's dark locks.

"I believe that words leave an imprint on you. I never needed to talk to any of my clients because I would usually just... serve them and leave."

"But you took me by surprise and when I saw you break down... I just... got reminded of myself. You looked really lonely."

"So you pitied on me," Seokjin concluded, pulling back but still remaining on V's lap.

"I won't lie and say that I didn't at first. But slowly, I just wanted to... I really can't explain it, Seokjin. But believe me, it wasn't pity later on." V sounded so confident in his words, so promising, that Seokjin decided to believe him. After all, only pity wasn't enough to fuel every sweet gesture and warm smile that V had granted him.

"So why did you... finally decide to talk?" Seokjin felt his heart start to hammer as the question rolled off his tongue before he could stop it.

V spared him an incomprehensible gaze. Both minds were wandering off to that very particular day.

Behave

Seokjin still shuddered at the memory.

"I need to ask you something first..." V asked after inhaling deeply.

"Hmm?"

"Seokjin, do-"

"Oh!" Seokjin slipped off V's lap as he took out his buzzing phone from his back pocket.

It was an unknown number calling him, which perplexed him but he decided to pick it up.

"Hello?"

Seokjin's blood ran cold. His hands began to tremble visibly, so V placed a hand on his shoulder. Seokjin gulped with difficulty as he tried to stomach the news.

As soon as the phone call ended, he shot up to his feet, his eyes blown wide.

"What happened?" V asked anxiously.

"Yoo- Yoongi," Seokjin managed to utter, the shock still overclouding his thoughts.

"I- I have to leave, V. I'm really sorry. But I have to leave now," Seokjin's voice quivered as he turned towards the door.

"Just tell me what happened," V said in exasperation, sliding between Seokjin and the door.

"Yoongi," Seokjin breathed out.

"He woke up."