Blue and Grey || Taejin

Chapter 26

Trigger Warning// Suicide attempt

Seokjin flew through the corridors of the hospital, his mind momentarily straying off to V who had left the mansion after him with a dejected expression that Seokjin did not have enough time to ponder on. He had just threw his name hastily at the receptionist before bolting up the stairs and weaving through the corridors to reach Yoongi's ward.

Outside the ward stood Mrs. Min with a crestfallen expression. She was conversing with the doctor in a hushed tone, or maybe she just didn't have the strength to raise her volume. The lady caught his eyes and stopped the conversation. Seokjin bowed at them as a greeting before looking at the doctor expectantly. The man's face was partially covered by a mask but the hues in his eyes made it evident that something was not in place.

"You may go inside, Mr. Kim," the doctor permitted gim in a grave tone.

Seokjin tried to meet Mrs. Min's gaze again, but the woman just averted her eyes to the wall next to her. Perplexed, Seokjin hesitated for a moment, hand hovering over the door knob. He tried not to let negatuve thoughts infiltrate his mind before stepping into the room.

The room had not changed much since the last time he visited, except the fresh sunflowers in the vase on the table by Yoongi's bed and Yoongi himself sitting up and staring blankly at Seokjin. Seokjin tried not to let his excitement conquer him and cause him to launch himself at Yoongi, who probably would've been overwhelmed by the gesture. So he decided to approach him quietly and softly land on the bed, smiling slowly and blinking away his tears.

Yoongi seemed to size him up, eyes wandering off to his hair every now and then, as if wondering what on earth had overtaken his friend during the time he had been absent.

"The hair is too much, isn't it?" Seokjin tried for a chuckle but it died in his throat because Yoongi's face was void of emotion.

Yoongi remained silent, and Seokjin had a moment of horror wondering if his friend had lost his voice.

But then he spoke.

"Who are you?"

Seokjin blinked.

Once.

Twice.

He waited for Yoongi to burst into his soft laughter, his shoulders bouncing and his gummy smile flashing. He waited for Yoongi to stare him down before saying, "I'm just joking, hyung."

But none of them were happening. Yoongi just sat there, alomst as rigid as a statue, and his eyes were fixed on the empty space between them, glazed over as if he wasn't quite there.

"Yoongi," Seokjin started, trying to level his voice. "I'm Seokjin. We're- we're friends."

"Friends?" Yoongi mused.

Seokjin nodded slowly but firmly.

"Like Jung Hoseok? He said he's my friend too," Yoongi recounted.

Seokjin did not fancy the comparison but he nodded again. Anything for Yoongi to recollect who he was.

"I don't remember you," Yoongi concluded immediately without any remorse.

Seokjin's heart collapsed into a black hole. He tried to breathe evenly as he nodded with a forged emphatic smile.

"You're in my personal space," Yoongi stated blatantly before straightening his back against the headboard, inching away from Seokjin.

"O-Of course. I'm sorry." Seokjin stood up and created some space between the bed and himself.

Yoongi stared at him, as if scrutinizing him and using his ability to read people to decide if Seokjin was worth his time.

Just like the first time Seokjin had encountered Yoongi when the latter was a new student to the school and Yoongi had scanned the room full of students before settling next to Seokjin.

"I'll leave now," Seokjin announced, although he doubted if Yoongi was listening.

Sparing his friend one last glance, he exited the room with a numb heart.

_______________

"It's only temporary amnesia."

Seokjin gripped onto his bedsheets tighter as he played the doctor's words in his mind like a broken record, as if remembering the doctor's reassurance would make him believe that he had nothing to be anxious about.

Right?

The darkness of his room seemed to taunt him, as if jeering how Yoongi would never quite remember Seokjin, or morph into a completely different person. Either ways, Yoongi would never be the same again and Seokjin would have to live on with that.

Seokjin exhaled shakily as he felt fresh, hot tears sting his eyes and roll down his cheeks, and this time there was nobody to catch them.

His thoughts veered off to V and he felt an immense wave of guilt crashing into him. He wanted to ask Seokjin something, and Seokjin did not even spare him even a second to listen to him. V had waited for him while he was dining with his family, comforted Seokjin even though he was previously upset with him for some reason, had shared his own tragic story and then left at Seokjin's command.

Seokjin's night got a lot worse.

Why did he have to be such a fuck up?

V must felt like he was being taken for granted.

Over the past months, V had become such an essential part of Seokjin's life, and Seokjin had honestly become so depended on that man that he could not bear to think of hurting him.

If only he had his number...

Maybe he could bribe the agency into giving him V's number...

No, what is wrong with you?

Seokjin crawled out of his comforter and left his bed reluctantly. He enjoyed the warmth but he needed to clear his mind. Pushing through the door, Seokjin found himself in the dark corridor of the mansion and for a split second, a scene from a horror film popped in his mind and left just as fast. Seokjin urges his feet to move before his imagination began to eat him alive.

Even though darkness veiled his vision, Seokjin found his way to the terrace by muscle memory. When he stepped onto the highest floor of the mansion, a subconscious smile painted his lips as the cool night breeze caressed his cheeks, drying his tears. He inhaled deeply, the night smelled so fragrant with the wind carrying the warning of a storm. Gradually, he began to feel at ease when he heard a sob.

His first thought was that the mansion was haunted. Out of morbid curiousity, Seokjin took calculated steps towards the sound and he froze in his tracks when his found his brother standing on the brick railing.

Without a second thought, Seokjin zoomed towards Seokjung and tackled him on the rough ground. Seokjung gasped and flailed against Seokjin before recognizing his brother. He grew limp on the ground and spared Seokjin a hollow gaze.

Shaking, Seokjin detached himself from his brother and exhaled, "Hyu-Hyung?"

Under the full moonlight, Seokjung's face was as gaunt as a ghost, his eyes were tinted red and Seokjin knew it wasn't just from the lack of sleep.

Seokjung sat up, stared at the sky for a while. Seokjin offered his hand to help him up but Seokjung simply ignored it and hoisted himself on his feet. He looked at Seokjin, but the younger could not comprehend his expression.

Soon, Seokjin found himself under the clouded stars with nothing but his intrusive thoughts.