Will I ever find a home?

everyone has memories they hide

Saphs pov

I went to the stairs to see that someone had used a chair so I went down then rode it up then walked back down and towards the kitchen, "Sapphire there you are". Exclaimed Erica as she rushed towards me. "Is there a reason you are so excited to see me". I was confused. "Carmon was about to send a search out for you". Erica explained. "Oh well, we best hurry then". I said as we hurried off towards the kitchen. Once we got there everyone looked at us slightly relieved. "Where were you Sapphire I called you". Carmen asked me, a slightly angry look on her face. "After the fight, Tyler and I came to get you and we heard a bang from the attack so he came down and I went to the attic, hoping to hurt her eye, and I think maybe her arm". I rambled before she handed me a plate. "Sapphire you are in charge I will be right back". Carmen said as she took out a tray and added 4 plates of food on to it before leaving. "Who is she taking it to". Teagan asked, looking at me. "Umm, Mike, Johnny, Hope, and Logan". I said as I sat down between her and Tyler. "Do you think he will be thrown out for what happened with Logan"? Jody asked, scared. "No sweetie, everything will be fine, no one is going anywhere". Christena reassured her softly. We all ate in a comfortable peace after that, occasionally talking with each other. Not an argument insight. I didn't eat much. I was worried. I was one of the older ones, Jake and Jemma being the oldest then Anne and Mica between us but they only stayed part-time rest bite from supported living. So I am the oldest full-time kid and I have watched the kids here change so much over the last two years. Maturing and growing up. Kids come and they go, they come scared, sad, and broken and leave with hope, joy friends, and a second family. Kids often age outgoing home or to other family members to foster families in different homes supported living adoption. Some kids come back more times than others Jake has been brought back the most and he is only twelve and has ten families all of them not coping with his autism and OCD, it sucks. But he is loved and happy here.. Then I felt my necklace move the half love heart on my heart. "Time and place can't keep us apart, no matter where, no matter when, no matter how". Rosie had an identical one each with a steering wheel compass charm like the ones on a pirate ship. I excused myself to my room gently closing the door behind me tuning on my old record player putting in girl and red I played the music as I sobbed. Remembering the times we had spent horse dancing to it sharing secret kisses or had played it through an iPod dancing in the rain singing. "Twins in love" I whispered. I had not spoken about Rosie in so long. It hurts but feels nice. I wish I could see Blair or Riley, or even Phoenix. We were good friends. I haven't seen them since that day I left. I heard a knock at my door before Mike walked in holding a box and hot chocolate. "The boys told me". He said sitting down. "What's in the box". I said taking a small sip from my hot chocolate. "Well about that, your social worker told me to never give these to you but I don't listen to her so here, I can stay or go or you can have someone else in .'' He said softly as he handed me the box. "Could you stay?" I said, placing down my hot drink. "Of course, I am always here sapphire". He said smiling. I hesitate a second before opening it to reveal lots of letters and photos and books, diaries and finally a photo album. "My past and my dreams". I said in my head lifting it up my fingers teaching the sparkly letters. "This was Rosie's, she was constantly in it, we would talk about our dreams together". I whispered. "You must have been close,". He said, placing a hand on mine. "More than anyone knew". I whispered flicking through the photos from the moonshine care home, ones of all the kids leaving parties, from when we were six to when we were thirteen I cried at our last photos together. She killed herself two weeks later. I stopped at the blank pages. "Mike I must tell you something before we continue, something that could get me kicked out of here". I whispered tears falling from my cheeks. "You can tell me anything kiddo and you won't be kicked out". He whispered wiping away my tears away. "I and Rosie were more than friends, we were girlfriends for three years . On our eleventh birthday we had a picnic in the park. The workers never found out how we shared a room". I sobbed heartbrokenly. "Oh, sapphire". He whispered holding me close kissing my head. "I'm sorry". He whispered. "It's ok". I said whipping my tears before turning the page to see the plans off all the places in the world we would see and what we would do. "She had our whole future planned". I said smiling, "our dream house and how we would adopt kids like us that needed someone to love them". I whispered before looking at the wedding plans, the venue, the dresses, hairstyles, everything, and then the last page my happily ever after with a photo of the two of us, I placed it down picking out all the letters. "They have been contacting me". I whispered. I opened them, begging me to answer, come see them, then they said Blair died in a car accident and phoenix died three months later. I sobbed. It's only me and Rylie left. "Sapphire". Mike asked scared. "Blair and Phoenix are gone, it's only me and Rylie left, she said she is still at home and Tilly is a worker". She whispered handing him the last letter looking at all the photos in the box one by one crying. "Mike held my arm the whole time placing my hands as I picked up the journals she used to write in every day. I read her last entry about her sister being killed by her dad and her not wanting to leave me but not coping apologizing but having to look after her little sister. I cried harder finally having closure on why she had to go. I handed it to mike not saying anything, finding her jewellery at the bottom I held them close not wanting to let her go. I closed my eyes going back to when I was six and was brought to a large scary building after my last beating and an hour earlier my dad arrested my sister in the hospital and my mum died on my room floor. The door opened revealing a tan-skinned man or woman. "Hey there kiddo I'm and they said in a slightly high voice kneeling in front of me smiling. "What's your name". He asked me keeping a distance. "Her name is Sapphire, she doesn't talk, can't write either", Marty, my social worker, said grumpily before leaving. I stood scared holding my bear. "Why don't we get you inside its cold out here". He said softly not turning his nose up at my smell or the dirt all over me offering me his hand after he moved all my things inside. I took it shaking. He showed me to the room I would be sharing with another girl my age. A lay came up she looked like my dad and I was scared of her. "Names class, time for a bath young lady". She said trying to take my hands and I shook my head no and the other worker tried to stop her but she wouldn't and I screamed at the two girls running into the room. All I heard was "let us try". Off of the older girl. I had curled myself up between my bed and bedside table. The adults left leaving me and two girls. "Hia butterfly, I'm tilly and this is your roomie Sophia rose ". Tilly said gently that I wasn't scared of her. "Hi, what's your name?". Sophia rose asked me. I looked at Tilly's necklace seeing a sapphire on it so I pointed at it too scared to talk. "It's nice to meet your sapphire. Now you need a bath so you don't get sick, so why don't you put these on and we can get you out of your dirty clothes and get you clean and do something nice with this beautiful hair of yours". Tilly said handing me a pair of shorts and a top. "Help me tilly". I asked holding them out to her. "Of course butterfly, she whispered helping me get changed before picking me up and helping me to the bathroom and she lifted me into the tub. She washed my hair and got all the knots out. She and Sophia were kind and they looked after me. Sophia gave me pyjamas and then we sat together at dinner. Then she read to us tucked us into bed and held me after my nightmare. I felt safe with them and the lady that scared me left the next day. Tilly left 3 years later then we began dating then she left me my mind was flooded with the blood and pills on my bed. Then the hospital had other kids in my boat. Then I arrived here met with you. I hid in my room with him bringing me hot chocolate and hugs. He brought me meals till the 5th day when I walked down meeting all 25 of them. Hope Logan Erica Christina, Lucas Tyler Mark Mylie Lucy Molly Jody Harry Tobie, Kyla, Ross, Ilia, Everly, Genève, Maya, Ella, Rory, Ida, Indigo, and Willow. They were all so kind, I felt safe here and happy. And now \two years later, there have been probably over 50 kids here all coming and most going most leaving again for better or worse some going home some to new families. Some stay in touch visiting friends calling to talk to us and Mike and Carmen or even just writing letters but they never; last long they go from weekly to monthly to Christmas cards to nothing. Very few keep in touch after a year or two. But they still leave imprint names in the height charts in the photo albums in memories even if they only stayed a day they were here and that's what mattered. I was taken away from my thoughts my a hand on my shoulder. "Sapphire, are you ok". Mike asked worried, looking into my eyes as I regained sight. I nodded softly. "I'm fine mike just remembering". I said gently as there was a gentle knock on the door. "Saph would you like to join us older ones for a movie night, or the little ones, they are watching frozen we are watching sunshine on Leith". Tyler said smiling. It's nice knowing I have friends. "I will join you lot downstairs in 5". I said with a chuckle as he left taking my blanket and pillows with him. I smiled sadly as I packed up Rosie's belongings sliding the box carefully above my wardrobe as Mike carried my stress downstairs. I got changed into pyjamas and pleated my hair I went to leave looking at my room my pictures of my old friends and the kids here my friends from my ward and my therapy group, then one of me and rose's room a pastel room with cute quotes and my blue leather jacket roses red one makeup, pride flags. Compared to my now black wall with my dark blue leather jacket my pins saying riot dead men don't catcall, one way to hell, Blair freeze, I run on blood. The same ones on my wall the only real colour being my drawings and pride flag, then the different doc laces that I have on my wall. I smiled sadly at it, missing my old life but desperate for a new one at the same time. I spent nearly a year in that hospital after my attempt and now another two of my friends are dead before the age of twenty-one. I left the room shaking the thoughts from my head as I walked out, nearly bumping into hope, Logan, and Johnny. "You three maid up then". I said the pain was slipping into my voice. "Yeah". Logan said as we headed to the living room, I sat with Tyler and Max. I hugged them both smiling as Mike smiled at all of us taking a photo of the three f's and one of the whole group as Carmen handed out drinks and snacks. I didn't really listen to Mike rambling about movie night rules, no throwing things, no arguments, no complaining about the film. Cleaning up the mess and no pranks for waking people up. 

I know this chapter isn't about Hope and her life but I think its important to show that the other characters have stories too, and they are important as well.