Will I ever find a home?

home at last, on the road of recovery.

⚠trigure warning⚠

We all headed home and when we arrived everyone hugged us then we had dinner and went to bed. I waited until Erica, Christina, and Teagan the girl we now share a room with were asleep before unwrapping my arm and cleaning off the dried blood from my new cuts before putting cream on my arm and wrapping it up in fresh bandages, then i took my top off and removed my bloody bandages off of my shoulder and chest before applying the cream to my cuts and putting fresh bandages and putting my top back on and taking all of my pills and going to sleep. I continued the same routine for two weeks thinking that nothing was going to change. I was now being home schooled by Carmen while everyone else was able to go to school so i was now home alone. Until one day we all went down to breakfast and Carmen got a phone call then 5 minutes later Erica and Christina were called into the office and the next thing i knew they came up the stairs and the packed there things and by the end of the day the girls were gone and i was alone, Logan still hasn't spoken to me since our argument in the hospital. I was alone for three weeks until one afternoon Logan got into a fight at school and was suspended for the rest of the week. I was taking my afternoon meds which no one knew about. I had just finished when I heard the floor outside my room thinking it was just Logan grabbing something out of his room. I took off my shit and bandages then suddenly I heard my door open and a gasp of horror. I looked up to see Logan standing at the door looking terrified. "Logan". I cried pulling on my hoodie. " hope what are those scars on your chest". Logan asked me scarcely as he stepped in the room closing the door behind him. " When the men were beating me when I took the little ones beatings, they managed to puncture my lungs so I had to have a big surgery and they said that my chest area would never grow again, I will have the scars for life, just like my arm". I told him I was ashamed of myself. " oh hope that's what the bag is for , bandages''. Logan told me annoyed that he didn't figure it out sooner. '' i also have creams, antidepressants, ibuprofen and sleeping pills. And they gave me some pamphlets on suicide hotline". I told him not to cry. " wait what do you mean soicude hotline, why do you need that sort of help? What is going on". Logan asked me terrified. Things got really hard while we were kidnapped and after a while I got really depressed and..". I unwrapped my wrist nervously as I stuttered. " i- i began cutting and i couldn't stop". I told him tears leaking out of my eyes. " oh , hope, why didn't you tell me at the hospital". Logan asked me tears leaking out of both our eyes. '' I was ashamed, I thought that you would think I was weak and that you would hate me''.i told him, sobbing. " I promise you hope, I could never hate you". Logan promised me kissing my head. '' Now let me help you dress those cuts, don't worry I used to help my mum and sister before my mum died and me and Sarah were separated". Logan told me as he helped me take my top off and he examined my cuts. '' these should heal in no time. Logan told me rubbing the cream on my cuts and wrapping up my chest and soldier, then my arm, as he kissed every single one of my cuts. '' there all better, always remember that you're not alone, I have scars like these too from before I came here". Logan whispered to me as he showed me his arm. After that our scars brought us closer together and I realized that we might not be with the girls thanks to their new foster parents saying that they wanted the girls to leave their pasts behind them including the people from their pasts. And we might not be with our biological siblings but at least we had each other. "The doctors said it will take ages for me to recover, as my leg was broken for months without treatment and the bone is damaged from the bullet, when they shot me, the tattoos that me and the others have will never go away, my scars on my chest and stomach will always be there as well as my back, i will always have the scar on my eyebrow and lipid will always be there. And it will be months before I can walk again, and I might always need a can or crutches to help. I will probably never go to school or dance again". I rambled at him still crying. "Why didn't you say anything Hope ''. Logan asked me worriedly., he paused for a second before continuing. "That doesn't matter now, I hope we have made up and I will help you from now on, you will never be alone". He told me to kiss my cheek. "Thanks Logan". I replied softly.

After that simple after noon, we became inseparable, Logan would help me with my bandages and meds and creams. We would talk a lot and he kept the bad thoughts away. He would lift me to the stair lift and into bed and things like that. He would get things for me, would be the first one there if i had a nightmare. We would laugh like we used to, and every day we would ask Carmon the same question, have you found our siblings yet. But it was always the same answer, not yet my dears.

As time went on, my longing for the girls grew, and i missed my number family more and more, . but at the same time my mind was recovering, and my nightmares began to fade, i could no longer here gunshots when things were too loud, and i no longer got bad urges or thoughts. Logan had saved my life that day and everyday he slowly and carefully pulled me carefully back up to the surface. And at the same time i was falling deeper and deeper in love with him, and all i wished is that he would love me two. But i know that he never will because who could ever love someone as broken and scared as me, i was covered in scars and bruises, and i always wore baggy long sleeve clothes, and Jennings and i was always fiddling with things, i was so jumpy, and i couldn't look anyone in the eye. He would never want to be seen in public with me and my scared face. After 12 weeks I was taken into hospital overnight to remove my cast, and to get some phiso, they gave me a metal leg brace from just above my knee to my ankle, I was only allowed it off to change and wash. I would need help with it though, i would also be able to use crutches more often now. Logan didn't leave my side for 48 hours, and when we got home he helped me into the bottom half of a swimming costume then into the shower. I kept my eyes closed most of the time though, then he asked me to help him get my top on so i opened my eyes to see him watching me with such love and compassion, it made me heart and mind feel like they were on fire, after he helped me get my jammy top on he lifted me into my chair so i could head back to my room while he showers. He would get changed then come to ,y room to find me on my phone he would do something stupid at the door and i would take a picture. We would laugh then i would show him the picture, we would laugh some more, then we would both sit on my bed and talk, one of the beds were always made up in case i had a bad night and Logan stayed. They started this after I would have breakdowns whenever he wasn't around, I got better over time but I still relied a lot on Logan. He was my protector, my night and my love even if he didn't know it. and after so long i was able to walk around with my brace on. without help.

sorry its short.