Sincerely, Sinclair || Sinclair Bryant x Reader ||

Chapter 26: Answers

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"I can't love anyone else until I've found myself."

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The trip home was about as you would expect. It was fairly quiet, and neither of us had the nerve to address the elephant in the room. It was unspoken that we'd talk about it when we were back home. There was no sense in spoiling such a perfectly wonderful trip over this, and I would've much rather thought it over before we talked about it.

I really don't know what made me say yes.

In the beginning, I told myself that it was because of the pressure of the moment. I had felt obligated to say yes to Travis' request, simply because the moment had been a tense one. Looking back on it, I'm not so sure that it wasn't because Sinclair encouraged me to. I didn't understand why Sinclair would possibly want me to speak with Travis after all this time. I know that I certainly would've had my reservations and my fair share of concerns if Natalie had asked Sinclair to talk things over.

But Sinclair trusted me.

I think Sinclair knew that there was a chance that this would bring me closure. It would finally stitch up that wound that had been open for so long. When I actually took the time to think about it, it actually made a lot of sense. I mean, over the course of the last year and a half, I had been saying that I wanted to ask Travis why. I had wanted nothing more than to just talk about what happened. Even if he did leave me with hurt feelings and a broken heart, at least then I'd have some answers. I think Sinclair knew this, because he was always such a forward thinker.

Much to my surprise, Sinclair and I didn't talk about it when we got home. I don't think it was necessarily because he didn't want to talk about it, but I think he wanted me to go into this without his presence in the back of my head. He helped me unpack and get my things put away, and we carried on with our day like it was business as usual. Sinclair's mood was pretty much as it always was. He was just as bubbly and content as he usually was. I wasn't supposed to be meeting with Travis for another two days, and I hoped that Sinclair would remain his usual self.

I was a ball of nerves for the next 48 hours. I was all over the place with how I felt about meeting privately with Travis. One minute I was confident and sure about it, but then the next I'd be so anxious that I could hardly think about anything else. I didn't even take the time to tell Audrey or Jade much about it, outside of the fact that we were going to meet. I didn't know why Travis wanted to meet. There was no telling what he was going to say. Maybe it was a guilt releasing session where he'd spill everything that had led up to the breakup and what he had been feeling since then. Perhaps it was just a friendly catch up between previous lovers now turned long lost friends. I didn't know for sure, and it was eating away at me.

Sinclair gave me my space during the day before I was supposed to meet Travis. He could see how it was affecting me, and he didn't want to crowd me while I took the time to think it over.

"Alright, love. I need to head home. I haven't been since we arrived back, and I'm sure my house is desperate for some life." He chuckled, pressing a kiss to my temple.

"Okay. Be safe getting home." I smiled, but my mind was miles away.

"Of course. I always am." He grinned.

He pulled me in for a real kiss, one that wasn't rushed or hurried. I felt a rush of something that wasn't quite guilt, but something very close to it. I felt bad for wanting to do this. I felt a sense of culpability for going to do this. It felt wrong, but at the same time there wasn't anything wrong with it. I wanted to get this done, because I was beside myself with feelings. I hoped Sinclair was right. I hoped that this would finally bring me peace about this mess. I was ready to leave it behind, because at this point it was just weighing me down.