What Am I?

|4•Rebuilding|

I turned my back on him again "So you gonna go yet or rub it in my face that you really never cared only felt obligated to care about me because you thought I was your sister" he rushed up and spun me around again. I wouldn't look up I'm not going to give him the satisfaction of seeing me cry. He made me look up and moved a stand of my hair out of my face "Listen I...I... uh still care just a little bit more than your thinking" I looked at him confused. What the hell does that mean? He looked around nervously "I mean were friends" he said unconvincingly "This is just insulting don't patronize me" he rolled his eyes "I mean I consider you my friend" he this time no shifty behavior attached to it. I narrowed my eyes at him OK I'll bite. I thought completely recovered from my earlier moment of weakness. My walls are back up and ready to protect me from him at all costs. He walked out and I continued sitting at my window. The door opened and I still not used to visits slid further into my seat. It was different guy who kind of looked like Jamal. The name made me want to punch myself. Why dies everyone hate me? He brought up a chair and smiled "So your the famous Natalia my brother can't seem to shut up about.... I'm Hakeem" I laughed knowing he was playing with me. This is probably all apart of some game he's playing. Hakeem studied my troubled expression "Are you OK" I sneered at him "Your brother I'd playing games with me and I... don't appreciate.... He pretends he cares when everyone knows no one does" I said making him sneer back at me "My brother does care about you ya know I've never seen him torn up about anyone especially a girl" I laughed at that exactly why I know he's playing with me. He's so good he's got his brother fooled. I smiled "Hakeem is it you and your brother don't really know me so let me tell you something I need alone time... Your brother was in here not too long ago so I would like at least an hour with myself" I said making him such his teeth and leave. Finally when can I be finished with this and forget Jamal ever making me feel like I mattered to anyone especially him. Later on that night I lay in bed crying myself to sleep I had just woken up from yet another sequence of scenes of what I've been through at that orphanage. Reminding me of how much I wanted to escape. They did so much to me changed me in so many ways. The memories made me shake with fear and anger. A hand on mine made me jump and be pulled into someone's arms. I knew them from the very moment I fell into them. Jamal. I knew because every wall I had rebuilt broke down all over again. It made my head spin how fast my fear disappeared. He rocked me back and forth "Your OK Natty your OK" he said kissing the top of my head. I clung onto him so tight like at any moment he would just slip away like my good memories. He pulled away from me "Natty please, please tell me what's wrong" I shook my head furiously and frantically "Please please don't make me go back.... I can't go back... I won't" I said, him looking at me with so much paini could've sworn it was real. He looked down for a moment and dropped his hands from my shoulders to my face. My breathing hitched as he stroked my cheek "Your so broken I'd give anything to know what makes you so sad so I can fix it and make you smile" his words touched me in a way I never thought I'd feel. He leaned in and sat completely still not moving an inch. His lips touched mine and I fell into a trance his kiss changing every part of my soul. It was euphoric and left me wanting more. I could feel him pulling away and I wanted to pull him back in but I didn't. He looked at me for my reaction and gave him an unreadable face. He leaned back in and this time the was hungry and passionate. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around my waist. My arms wrapped around my neck and he pulled away again only for a second he reconnected his lips to my neck. I moaned as he found sensitive skin on my neck. My breathing got heavy and a flash of Rodney went through my head. I pushed him away curling into the corner of my bed. Not him not now why??? I know I'm nothing you don't need to capitalize in it at every moment of every day. I guess there's no possible way to rebuild something so broken.