Just før Fun

Chapter 10

Whorelando? Away I Go!

Matt: "So here I was, on my way to Orlando when I suddenly realised... that asshole's still in my trunk! And I couldn't be bothered to go all the way back just to bury him alive discreetly. So the young douche that I was, I took a big risk and pulled over, right in the middle of the road, carried his body like, a couple miles away from the road with a shovel which, good thing I brought it with me otherwise I'd had no idea what to do with the guy! Then I buried him alive right there and then. Lucky for me, no one noticed me behind all that fog. Um nom nom nom... wow! This meat is excellent! You've really done a good job Angel."

Angela: "Thanks. I did my best."

Matt: "I guess you could say... it's Dannylicious! Or, Dannicious."

Tøny: "No. Just no."

Gerald: "I thought it was funny."

Tøny: "Of course you did."

Matt: "Anyways, when I arrived at Orlando I had no idea what to do. And you know what I always say—

Tøny: "Nope. You always say alotta things. Nobody ever knows what you're gonna say next."

Matt: "When in doubt, penis!"

Tøny: "I've never heard you say that before. Literally not once."

Matt: "Maybe I said it more often back in those days. Anyways, back to the story. So I hit the local strip club. And this strip club had some sexy bitches, right? And I was just itching to smash them all! But y'know how SBs are, no fucking, no touching, hell they don't even letcha smell the bitch's clit!"

Angela: "You're prolly the only person that actually wants to do that."

Matt: "If you think I'm weird for just wanting to smell some cunt, then you haven't met that many people. Anyways I was just ITCHING to get some pussy, right? So I had to get one of these girls to bring me somewhere private. But after the shit I'd gone through that day, I just wasn't feeling up to flirting."

Tøny: "I never thought I'd hear that sentence come out of your mouth."

Matt: "So the stupid idiot I was, I decided to fuck one by force. And guess what?"

Gerald: "What?"

Matt: "I got to fuck all of the bitches!"

Angela: "Bullcrap."

Gerald: "How?!"

Matt: "Oh lemme tell ya. I went and grabbed that shovel from my car, and then I chopped one of the bouncers heads off before he could even ask, hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, comin' in here holdin' that shovel like that? And then I shoved it through another one's stomach. Then I killed another bouncer, and another one, and another one, and another one, and another—

Tøny: "We get it! You killed alotta bouncers. Move on!"

Matt: "So I killed all the club bouncers, right? But none of the girls started freaking out. I don't know why. Maybe they were being mistreated or somethin'. But they all started surrounding me. At first I thought they wanted to strangle me but they had other plans. They started complimenting me, undressed me, and then they touched me all over the place. I got to have sex with ALL OF THEM! BEST night of my life, I tell ya! Best night!"

Gerald: "Woah that's so awesome!"

Matt: "Except I woke up on the ground next to my car the next day. And I realized it was all a dream. That night I was so drunk that I didn't actually grab the shovel, I only thought I was holding it in my hands, so I was just pretending to kill the bouncers right in front of 'em. And they, having seen how drunk and stupid I was, simply threw me out of the club where I passed out next to my car."

Gerald: "Oh."

Tøny: "Hahahahaha! Dumbass."

Matt: "Now there I was, still horny as ever and hungover. So naturally, I was pissed. And when I get pissed, you know I'm gonna cause some trouble. I emptied that dead guy's credit card and bought myself an SMG. Of course I hadn't brought any fake IDs with me and god forbid I used my own! I'd go straight to jail for life! So it was a bit of a pain in the ass to buy that gun but I managed to convince the seller with some bribery. Money never lets you down. Then I barged into the club fully loaded, and killed everybody! I fucked the girl's corpses for a bit until I heard sirens. So I barged outta there, had to shoot a couple cops down and then I fled the state. Having completely forgotten why I went to Orlando in the first place!"

Tøny: "So why did you go to Orlando anyway?"

Matt: "To visit my aunties! And I still haven't visited!"

Angela: "Maybe that's for the best."

Gerald: "Yeah..."

Matt: "Nah... they're, or maybe they were old and sweet. I'd never— well... now that I think about it, one of 'em did look kinda fine.... uh, anyways, fun story right?"

Tøny: "Yes. Just the best."

Matt: "Oh c'mon! What's with the sarcasm? Ya got anything better to tell? Be my guest."

Tøny: "Nah, I'll leave the story telling to your dumbass, I've got better things to do."

Matt: "Like hell you do. Anyone else up for more stories?"

Gerald: "Oo me, me!"

Angela: "Yes please!"

Tøny: "Ugh, I hate all of you."

Angela: "Breaking news. Grumpy man is complaining and being grumpy as always."

Gerald: "Heh. Got that right!"

Tøny: "Egh."